- I said in English - "It's been 27 years since me last confession Dad ....I mean ...father"
He replied - "No Habla Ingles! - pero vos habla Castellano- no?" (I don't speak English - but you speak Spanish - no?)
I thought for a minute as to how this could work to my advantage and replied - "Jaezuz - I don't speak a word of that ol' gibberish, but I need to spill, so listen up Pops - I've 27 years of desperate, awful, deprave sins to confess so lets get down to business pronto!"
45 minutes later, after offloading all the terrible deeds of the past, I walked out of the confessional a lighter, better, purer, happier soul. It was like doing the laundry, taking a shower, shave, shite and getting a facial with the blackheads squeezed out, all at the same time (not that I've ever had a facial cos that's just for girdles!)
To top the lot, I didn't get even one prayer to say as penance - In fact I got the equivalent of a life long 'Get out of Jail/Church' card free. I'm officially banned from confession, communion, and all the Holy sacraments. - May the Lord have mercy on all your souls - yiz feckin' sinners and I'm auctioning off my 'Get of of church' card on eBay so let the bids begin!