Saturday, 26 September 2009

Stinky, Filthy, Smelly, Nasty, Sweaty, Irish, Paddy

I'm not a person who suffers the cold much. On long haul flights or bus journeys where people are begging for blankets, I'm usually quite comfortable in just tee shirt and shorts. Much to the amusement of others, I've skied without gloves numerous times (substituting socks on occasion) and worn minimal layers in snow blizzards. In short, I am a somewhat naturally hot blooded animal.

That's all well and good in colder climes but when the heat is cranked up a notch or six, unfortunately being a walking toaster oven is some what of a hindrance. Basically, I sweat like a motherfucker. We are talking sweaty flash floods here, the dangerous kind that lead to emergency services being called out to rescue granny from a roof top by helicopter.

I typically get a severe case of S.A.S. (sweaty ass syndrome) which can lead to some embarassing interactions e.g.

1.) I was on the bus in my business attire(shorts and tee-shirt) just a few days ago and as a bunch old Chinese women boarded, I selflessly and valiantly gave up my seat so the old blue rinse crew could sit down. As one of them appreciatively nodded and smiled, I felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside at having done something nice. This wouldn't last long however, as the eighty year+ granny just pointed at the seat and invited all around to observe the sweaty arse imprint I had just left behind.

To my horror people were leaning over looking at the sweat tracks I had made and then looking at me with disgust. If the ground could have swallowed me up there and then I would have gladly jumped, ass first. Granny then reached into her handbag and opened a packet of tissues to mop up my unintentional moist deposits I had left. I exited the bus 6 stops before my destination and had to walk 30 minutes, but I had a escaped a possible lynching - close call.

But wait there's more....

2.) Yesterday, I went for the first visit to the dentist in Hong Kong. Some of you will remember my absolute dread of dentists from this post (Bad Teeth). Again, I dressed in tee-shirt and shorts so as to be as comfortable ( i.e. not hot) as possible.

It was a well air conditioned clinic and all I was having done was a check up with X-Ray and a cleaning. I have sensitive teeth and any sound of dental equipment, even a brush makes me squirm. I had a thorough cleaning (40 minutes worth) and as I eventually got off the chair I was horrified to see yet again an extended arse to ankle body imprint of sweat on the leather.

There's not much you can say to salvage a situation like this so I just alluded to my fear of dentists and then listened to the post analysis of my X-Rays as the poor dental nurse took a roll of kitchen wipes or two to clean up the mess I had left. I can still hear the cleaning motion - 'wash on - wash off' x 100

I've heard old people wear diapers when they eventually lose control of there toilet 'manners' so I'm thinking of patenting 'Sweat Diapers' for the poor sods with an affliction of Extra S.A.S ('Sweaty Ass Syndrome') such as mine.

Tell me I'm not alone here?....pretty please! - throw me a bone or some talc.

p.s. I think I found the 'cure' click Here

Tags: ..Stinky Filthy Smelly Nasty Sweaty Paddy..

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Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Typhoon Season, Hong Kong

As I mentioned in a previous post I recently returned from Beijing to Hong Kong only to find we were arriving by plane in the middle of a typhoon which made the landing a wee bit rocky a.k.a good job I was wearing brown underwear that day, cos if it wasn't that colour to begin with, it sure was pretty close to brown afterward.

Now there's turbulence and then there's turbulence and then there's turbo turbulence (okay - so I just made that shit up) but this was like sitting in a giant cocktail shaker and being shaken AND stirred - I almost had a license to puke!

I managed to contain most of my bodily fluids on that trip which is more than I can say of my fellow passengers who filled vomit bag after vomit bag with diced carrot stew - Strange didn't see that on the in-flight menu?

Here's a taste of what went down from a storm trooper on the ground!

Tags: .Typhoon Season, Hong Kong..

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Saturday, 19 September 2009

The Great Wall of China

Digressing from the previous 'Dick on a Stick' post I must return to more travel related content. I finally got to visit the Great Wall of China last week, which has been near the top of my "have to go" list for a long time. Sometimes you can have very high expectations for a place that you've yearned to visit and unfortunately these places don't always live up to your expectations but I'm happy to report the 'Great Wall' didn't disappoint.

The wall follows the bumpy contour of the rugged land and winds and stretches as far as you can see, off into the horizon and beyond. I hadn't realised just how steep some of the sections are and you literally need to hang on to a metal railing to heave yourself up some of the inclines. Likewise, you could find yourself slipping on your arse on the declines if you're not careful.

Although we only spent about an hour on the wall, we were all feeling aches and pains for the rest of the day as we must've been using muscles that rarely get used. Of course it could just be we're getting old and the zimmer frames will be a short hop, skip and a fall away.

More pics below

Tags: ..The Great Wall of China..

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Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Do You Like PENIS?

Snack Street, Beijing

I was asked the rather unusual question above on a visit to Beijing, China a few days ago. I was on a part business, part pleasure trip. More on the trip in a later post. A bunch of us visited the 'Snack Street' market on Sunday where they serve all sorts of weird food stuff on a stick like in the photos below.

Crickets on a stick -yummy!

Scorpions on a stick

Star Fish on a stick

Live scorpions on a stick

Grubs on a stick

More scorpions on a stick

Other tasty stuff on a stick

These eastern delicacies which were all impaled on a thin wooden stick included live scorpions which had been skewered and somehow managed to keep wriggling. They were dipped in hot oil for a minute before being served with a spicy sauce - yum...ouch!

More tasty stuff on a stick

Other treats included crickets, grubs (fat caterpillar type blobs), centipedes, sea snakes, beetles, silk worms, star fish and .....wait for it........sheep penis! - yes you heard right!


Always on the lookout for a good photo, I reached into my pants and pulled mine out (my camera that is!) and tried to focus on the woolly ones curly members on a stick (see above).

As I was snapping my picture, the stall vendor went into serious hard sell tactics and shouted and pointed directly at me - "YOU LIKE PENIS?"

I tried to ignore him and get a better picture but the more I ignored him, the more he pointed and the louder he shouted - "YOU WANT TRY PENIS?" - HEY MISTER - YOU LIKE PENIS?"

Needless to say the bunch of lads I was traveling with and everyone within a 20 meter radius found this hysterical so I retreated hastily with my tail/penis between my legs.

I never got to try penis and I probably never will - Not that there's anything wrong with trying penis!

Snack Street, Beijing, China

Tags: .. Snack Street Beijing China, Snack Street..

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Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Symphony of Lights, Hong Kong

I was writing a guest post on a blog about free things to see and do in Hong Kong and I realised I had never showed you, my loyal fans (all 3 of you) the spectacle known as 'The Symphony of Lights'. It's touted to be the "World's Largest Permanent Light and Sound Show" by the Guinness Book of Records.

It's basically a massive musical laser light show from the tallest buildings in Hong Kong. It takes place every night at 8pm and it's FREE which is always a bonus, especially in these dark times of recession. The basic laser show is impressive in itself but on special occasions they add fireworks to the mix which ups the 'WOW' factor by at least ten times. Check the YouTube video below.

How to get there: MTR East Tsim Sha Tsui Station Exit J, and follow the signs to the Avenue of Stars and Tsim Sha Tsui Waterfront.

Tags: ..Symphony of Lights Hong Kong laser show ..

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