It's been pissin' rain for four days so I've not been out much and cabin fever had hit me in a bad way. Even though it was still raining this morning, I couldn't stay indoors any longer so headed out for a hike to the hills in between scattered showers. After my daily porridge and coffee, I'm as regular as a 'clockwork prune' so I'd already taken care of business before I left.
15 minutes into the hike, I started to feel an uncontrollable urge to poo again. Now I can normally hold onto doing the business until a suitable opportunity presents itself but this was one of those emergencies. It was like movie 'Alien' where the extra'turd'esstrial creature just wants to escape its host. I was practically in poo labour. No matter how much I huffed and puffed, I couldn't slow the bowel contractions and this bundle of poo was going to be delivered with or without my consent.
My options were simple -
a.) Step off into the bushes and let rip and hope the leaves I used weren't poison ivy
b.) Try and hold on as best I could but more than likely unload in my pants
After holding on to all my shite with all my might, I rounded a corner and to my absolute delight (not meant to rhyme) and complete relief, I spotted a toilet. If this had been a hike anywhere else in the world, I would most likely have been doomed (up shit creek as it were) but in Hong Kong, thankfully you can find public toilets in the middle of the wilderness with toilet paper - I love this city!
Photo: Poo in the Wilderness (ok so wasn't the ACTUAL toilet I found but you get the sense of relief!)
15 minutes into the hike, I started to feel an uncontrollable urge to poo again. Now I can normally hold onto doing the business until a suitable opportunity presents itself but this was one of those emergencies. It was like movie 'Alien' where the extra'turd'esstrial creature just wants to escape its host. I was practically in poo labour. No matter how much I huffed and puffed, I couldn't slow the bowel contractions and this bundle of poo was going to be delivered with or without my consent.
My options were simple -
a.) Step off into the bushes and let rip and hope the leaves I used weren't poison ivy
b.) Try and hold on as best I could but more than likely unload in my pants
After holding on to all my shite with all my might, I rounded a corner and to my absolute delight (not meant to rhyme) and complete relief, I spotted a toilet. If this had been a hike anywhere else in the world, I would most likely have been doomed (up shit creek as it were) but in Hong Kong, thankfully you can find public toilets in the middle of the wilderness with toilet paper - I love this city!
Photo: Poo in the Wilderness (ok so wasn't the ACTUAL toilet I found but you get the sense of relief!)Tags: .A Man's gotta Poo when a Man's gotta Poo!, Hong Kong toilets..
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Poor Paddy. I found myself in a similar situation recently while watching the morning flag raising in Tiananmen Square. I could not find a toilet (the square is 20 acres) and was in agony during the taxi ride back to my hotel.
ReplyDeleteDiapers (nappies) are the answer.
I firmly believe if you put your mind to it, you can give yourself constipation purely with the power of your mind... and lotsa stress.
ReplyDeleteSaved by the bog!
ReplyDeleteReal toilets in the middle of nowhere, a likely story. Where did you google that one? I don't think I've ever been that desperate, though there are times I've been extremely glad to get home....
ReplyDeleteSo does this come under the heading of local customs or local scandals?
@Stevo: No tanks nearby then?
ReplyDelete@B: If I go away from home I've bben known to go 4-5 days without u know what
@Thrifty: thankfully
@Nick: True story - but yes googled the photo - hmmm local customs?!
Are toilets there lower down?
ReplyDeleteDutch ones are feckin high up.
My legs do be dangling.
@Xbox: it's either a hole in the floor squat job or regular midget bowl
ReplyDeleteNow, when you say 'regular' midget....
ReplyDelete..I know -I know - I am moron - an oxymoron at that
ReplyDeleteI have heard about this hole in the floor. Forget automatic flush! This is no flush .... ?
ReplyDelete"poo labour" ...... classic! My waters almost broke when I read that!
ReplyDeleteI can say with certainty that I have never had this problem. Probably because I never go hiking.
ReplyDeleteHaha . . how very civilised of them. Out here it's dig a hole and hope something creepy doesn't bite you on the bum . . never hike without a little dunny paper! See . .I knew you'd get your mojo back!
ReplyDelete@Hit40: Yeah the hole in the floor version is pretty awful and not for the faint hearted
ReplyDelete@Ellie: lol - I'll call 999 for ya
@Megan: Yep -Exercise has it's pitfalls
@Baino: I used to always carry bog roll in South America but not necessary here
Glad you found relief :)!
ReplyDeleteWell you know the state of that affair in Buenos Aires.
ReplyDeleteWell if you don´t trust the leaves there´s always your sox.
@ Nicole: Relief = Nirvana
ReplyDelete@ TCL: After i recounted the story to someone here they said why didn't you use your shirt?
Oh boy, do I wish that this was true everywhere. I remember a long difficult trip we made, 4620 km from Sweden to South of Spain.... Many emergency situations. Phew!
ReplyDeleteHere is a personal invitation to the virtual international cocktail party the 1st every month!
Tell us about us your drinks 'Round the world!
Bring all your party friends over, everybody is welcome!
Read more about it here: Drinks Round the World New Cool Meme
This is really good if the public toilet there in the middle of the desert. In my city in a public toilet on the main railway station you can not enter because it is terribly dirty and neglected but the luck in Hong Kong think about toilet paper.
ReplyDeleteHaha, the picture is lovely, I must say.
ReplyDeleteI met some toilet problem at some out of the way places too! The toilets were too dirty!
What you needed is this!
ReplyDeletehttp://bumperdumper.com/
@Helen: Yeah - it's funny to have cleaner toilets outside the city but I guess they get used more
ReplyDelete@iWalk: Dirty toilets are a world wide problem - need to raise this at the next G20
@Noel: This would be great if i had a car