Sunday, 26 October 2008

Anna Kournikovas Panties

I decided last week it was time to address the on going battle of the bulge where my midriff has been getting somewhat out of hand of late. I've always had a bit of a beer gut. Well just after I was born it was more of a milk gut but as I grew up I discovered with a clever disguise of loose shirts and being an expert at sucking in the gut at the appropriate moment e.g. photos or any time I pass a mirror, I could get by. Alas these tactics don't work anymore.

I have tried various exercise routines over the years but they rarely last more than a week. I have joined a gym on two separate occasions. In both instances, I went for a week and then never returned to the gym
but kept paying the monthly fee for at least six months before I finally admitted defeat.

I bought a mountain bike once and cycled a few times at weekends but was nearly run off the road several times so that was the end of that adventure. The bike never came within 100kms of a mountain so perhaps I should have bought a city bike?

I have tried jogging but I suffered from third degree nipple chaffing and even lubing up my man tits didn't solve the problem. There's also something that just doesn't seem right about putting Vaseline on my nipples.

My latest attempt is walking. Not just your average walking mind you, but a serious 2.5 hour brisk walk around the ecological park near here. It's starting to get hot here as we approach summer, so I end up lathered in sweat like a pair of Anna Kournikovas panties after a 3 set marathon with a tie breaker finale thrown in for good measure.

Speaking of panties, with all this walking, I am now developing a serious case of crotch chaffing.
Perhaps I shouldn't have bought Anna's panties on eBay after all.

Why is it exercise seems to be actually bad for your health?

Tags: ..anna kournikova panties, tennis, nipple chaffing, crotch chaffing, exercise,..

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Megan October 26, 2008 7:40 pm  

I've done the same thing with gym memberships...

Maxi Cane October 26, 2008 8:05 pm  

Are they like the used Alyson Hannigan panties I bought?

roy October 27, 2008 1:45 am  

start walking like John Wayne did or use Vaseline, that'll stop when ya lose the weight, keep it up mate!

Baino October 27, 2008 2:28 am  

Clearly you should have bought Thriftypants and had a Brasilian!

Seriously though I'm with you! Treadmilling is so boring that I have to have a drink afterwards and all the 300 calories I've just burned go straight back on!

Anonymous,  October 27, 2008 5:38 am  

Did you not try a bra....

Nick October 27, 2008 6:32 am  

Jenny has always maintained exercise is bad for you. All those people who've died of heart attacks while jogging, fallen off mountains etc. I must say I've never done more than hill-walking. Gyms? Jogging? Weightlifting? Not for me, too boring, too energetic. But then I'm lucky enough to be habitually thin.

Quickroute October 27, 2008 9:09 am  

@ Megan: I think a lot of people keep the gym membership card in the hope they may return

@ Maxi: Was that the one time back in band camp?

@ Roy: Get off your horse and drink your milk cowboy - I'll give it a shot

@ Baino: That's my problem right now I come home parched and drink a litre of beer

@ Conortje: I considered it but the thought of being caught wearing womens underwear and a bra was a bit too much

@ Nick: You're lucky - perhaps you have a tapeworm - where can you buy those anyway?

VE October 27, 2008 4:57 pm  

Nipple chafing. Most running put tape over them when they run. You could add tassles just for fun! ha ha

And I want to come back as Anna's panties in my next life...

Quickroute October 27, 2008 5:15 pm  

@VE: Tassles on my nips - yes I can see photos doing the rounds on the internet now

Stevo | Travel China October 27, 2008 7:48 pm  

Dusting your nether-regions with corn starch works wonders for chafing.

I had a gym membership for 8 months before I actually went to the facility. I like to go but am too busy with work.

Maybe a trip to Thailand for some "diet" pills?

Lakota October 27, 2008 8:01 pm  

~giggling~ does it make me a total freak that the idea of you putting vaseline on your nipps was HOT? :P

Anonymous,  October 27, 2008 9:22 pm  

Tell me if exercise isn't painful! I started going to a gym a few weeks back and now I'm kind of regretting it. I've never been the gym type and now I'm thinking of asking my doctor if this was a good idea.

Broke But Still Drinking October 27, 2008 9:49 pm  

Vaseline on the nips ruins t-shirts. Trust me I know.

Quickroute October 27, 2008 10:48 pm  

@Stevo: don't they use that for cooking too?

@Lakota: No not at all - I'll send you a photo - that;ll make me a freak

@L o N: Don't trust doctors either - ask yourself

@Broke: Were you lubing your nips or is this story X rated?

iWalk October 27, 2008 11:23 pm  

I am jogging everyday with my doggie Leo, he will call me every same time of the day, So I can't give up this game easily. :)

Quickroute October 28, 2008 4:46 pm  

@ iWalk: i wish I had a four legged friend to push me a litle harder - I'll settle for a 2 legged one - actually even a goldfish!

TCL October 28, 2008 8:38 pm  

I involve walking with something I like, such as walking to the bar or walking to the beer store. But I guess that doesn't work since you've a 24h delivery service.

At least it's just chaffing in BsAs. Running in Taipei is seriously bad for one's health. You're liable to get run over by a scooter.

Annie Ha October 29, 2008 12:01 am  

I don't like the word "panties."
It sounds pervy.
(Not that I think you are pervy.)

Quickroute October 29, 2008 9:22 am  

@ TCL: It's just like I said - being healthy is bad for you

@ Annie: Anna's undergarments - happy now?

Thriftcriminal October 30, 2008 8:58 am  

Cycling shorts avoid the chafage. Mmmmmmmmm Anna, she really batters my sausage.

Quickroute October 30, 2008 4:03 pm  

@Thrifty: you should see the photos I didn't/couldn't put up there without getting in trouble anyways

Thriftcriminal October 30, 2008 5:24 pm  


Quickroute October 30, 2008 6:01 pm  

@ Thrifty: Will do - later - promise October 30, 2008 11:33 pm  

I have been experiencing the same midriff problem as of late.

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