Tuesday, 9 March 2010

The Old Bag

Once upon a time in a far off land called Yankieville there lived a happy princess with a lot of clothes, bags and shoes.  The happy princess was married to an Irish git who liked to travel. The Irish git and his happy princess decided to move from Yankieville to another far off land called Lagerloutville. The Irish git tried hard to impress upon his happy princess the need to ship most of her belongings because flying with excess baggage is only for silly billies or people with endless wallets. The happy princess didn't listen however and when it came time to check in for the flight to Lagerloutville she had 5 super size bags each weighing in excess of 30kgs (66Lbs). By some sheer fluke or 'Luck o' the Irish', the check-in attendant, an Irish lass from Aer Lingus waived the excess fees (which would have kept the Icelandic economy afloat) as there had been a delay processing the check-in.

A few years later the Irish git and his happy princess decided to move from Lagerloutville to Maradonaland.  Once again the Irish git impressed upon his happy princess the need to ship most of her belongings because flying with excess baggage is only for silly billies or people with endless wallets and 'Luck o' the Irish' doesn't last forever.

Once again the happy princess didn't listen however and when it came time to check in for the flight to Maradonaland she had 2 super size bags each weighing in excess of 26kgs (57Lbs). This time however the little leprechaun luck was not on her side and the extra mean national airline of Maradonaland only allowed 1 checked in bag and wanted to charge her by the kilo for her excess baggage to the tune of u$d850.  The happy princess was not too happy and the Irish git was McFu$kin' livid but by a stroke of resourcefulness the happy princess was able to offload the excess luggage at the airport to some poor gopher to be couriered to Maradonaland by some other gopher at some later point.

A couple of years later the Irish git and his happy princess decided to try and rejoin the rat race and moved from Maradonaland to Honkietown.  The Irish git travelled there first and the happy princess followed on later.  This time around the Irish git decided that shipping stuff around the world is only for silly billies or people with endless wallets and 2 suitcases of clothes is plenty for anyone given the uncertainty of the GFC (Global Financial Crisis) and what not.  The happy princess had 2 months to prepare her bags and eventually she was reunited with the Irish git in Honkietown.

It wasn't long however until the happy princess realised she had not packed very carefully and she didn't have exactly what she really needed for Honkietown so she enlisted her sister and her parents to pack another bag and send it with a friend who was travelling from Maradonaland to Lagerloutville whereupon it could be delivered to another friend who was travelling to Honkietown.  Her parents dutifully obliged and delivered a bag of clothes to a friend of the happy princess who brought the bag to Lagerloutville whereupon another good friend met that friend at a train station and collected the bag and soon after delivered said bag to the Irish gits brother in Lagerloutville.  Unfortunately the baggage allowance fiasco once again raised its ugly head while the bag was supposed to be shuttled to Honkietown and the bag was eventually left in limbo and gathering dust in the Irish gits brothers apartment in Lagerloutville.

The Irish gits brother just so happened to visit Honkietown on a business trip this evening whereupon the said bag was finally delivered to the happy princess (albeit 10 months later than intended) who was shall we say .....happy!  The Irish git is also happy because he will not have to hear about the McFu$kin' bag ever again! - and they all lived happily ever after without carrying around any baggage - THE END!

On behalf of the happy princess, I would like to thank the following:

The Academy
Silvia & Osvaldo
Patricia & Alfonso
The check-in staff and baggage handlers of multiple airlines
The taxi and mini cab cab drivers who couriered the bag back and forth and back again
....and the other 200 cast and crew behind the scenes who made this dream a reality

Disclaimer: This story is based solely on fact. Any resemblance to persons not alive and kicking is purely unintentional.

Tags: ..The Old Bag..

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WanderMom March 09, 2010 5:27 pm  

And sure isn't the princess lucky to have such a patient and loving Irish git to look after her baggage issues for her?

Quickroute March 09, 2010 10:09 pm  

@ Megan: Cheers Dear

@ Wandermom: lucky, blessed, charmed etc etc

Stevo March 09, 2010 10:12 pm  

I think their are many little princesses in the world - I can think of Canadian and a Chinese princess who thinks that all her shoes need to experience international travel.

Quickroute March 09, 2010 10:24 pm  

@ Stevo: Don't get me started on a shoe rant - I'll be here all day!

nick March 10, 2010 3:36 am  

Clearly someone who always "hopes for the best". Except that the best has to be aided by a bit of common sense and practicality. Otherwise it turns into "shit happens". I guess your patience is based on the knowledge that we all have our glaring Achilles heels, if not over baggage over something else just as annoying to our loved ones.

Thriftcriminal March 10, 2010 3:36 am  

Fucking airlines. You know, I want to travel back to the 50's, air travel was expensive but excellent, chicks were told to have a G&T ready for their husbands when they got home, and engineers got paid feck loads and were worshiped. OK, maybe they weren't worshiped, but they weren't a friggin commodity.

Baino March 10, 2010 4:19 am  

Well good of you to keep your princess happy a scorned princess is a pain in the tiara! @Thrifty . . you love it! Dream on champ, this aint the world of Good Housekeeping and you're not in Kansas any more!

Caro March 10, 2010 5:09 am  

Brilliant! I do so love a happy ending.

Quickroute March 10, 2010 5:25 am  

@ Nick: It's true I'm no saint meself especially after all the curses and foul language about 'the bag'

@ Thrifty: The air stewardess mini skirts were more appealing in the 60's

@ Baino: True - but it sometimes takes a LOT of effort to avoid scorn

@ Caro: thanks - Don't we all ;-)

niamh March 10, 2010 7:21 am  

I'm impressed you/your lovely lady managed to get so many bags past the airlines at all! Please share your secrets...from a traveller who would love to travel light but seems to have a Teflon attraction for stuff.

Quickroute March 10, 2010 7:27 am  

@ Niamh: Mostly luck I'm afraid - no tried and trusted method :-(

Maya March 10, 2010 5:45 pm  

Baggage, the curse of the global citizen! On our last move the company in charge of transporting our junk swore our stuff would arrive in 2 months. Perfect since I had a 2 month layover at my parents. Silly me shipped over all my winter clothes. Of course I arrive on time but our stuff was 3 months late. Good thing I borrowed 1 sweater from mom and that Ozzies aren't as fashion conscience as Spaniards.

Quickroute March 10, 2010 9:47 pm  

@ Maya: We had a few boxes go missing from UK - BA - not a happy camper :-(

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