Wednesday, 14 October 2009

A Scarey HAIRY Tale

I have to confess I have much more body hair than I am comfortable with. I am part hairy ape or so it seems. It may come to pass, I become bald someday and I'll regret these anti-hair words, but right now in my 'prime' things are getting out of control.

As a teen, I foolishly decided to rid my myself of some newly formed but unwanted body hair. I shaved my arm pits and it was all grand until 3 days later when the stubble regrowth gave me such an itch and a rash that I was walking around for days with a bad ass body builder pose, so as not to have any friction on my tender arm pits.

With the on set of 'maturity', more and more hair has started to sprout from the most unusual places. I used to take the piss out of the 'old' peeps in the Irish countryside with tufts of hairs coming from their ears.

"Jaezuz - you could grow spuds in that jungle" - we'd say jokingly. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your ear hair!

Lo and behold, I now have my very own ear tufts to trim on a regular basis. Add to that - nasal hair, requiring a tweezers to pluck the unsightly little devils out - ouch!.

I know some of you readers won't want to hear / read this but we shall now go where few men / women dare/care to go.

Let me lay it out, plain and simple.

- Amazonian butt crack fur hair
- Extra unwieldy foot long curly pubic hair

I don't know if it's the humidity, diet, global warming, or ALL the above but these bad boys are OUT OF CONTROL!

I used to trim the ol' butt crack hair every 2 months tops, but now it requires a JCB industrial hedge trimmers if I leave it that long.

I suffer the heat, especially in the nether regions so the less 'natural' insulation the better, but jeez - them bad ass pubes be spreading and growing like a wild fire yo!

Same story front of the house (know I'm sayin') - a monthly trim has turned into a obligatory weekly crew cut - short back n' sides pls!
I'm considering waxing or electrolysis but I know that will hurt like a BEEATCHHH! - any advice?

Tags: ..waxing, hairy, hair removal..

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Baino October 14, 2009 3:57 pm  

Haha . . definitely too much information and how one trims their own butt crack hair I can only imagine! Although it explains the sweaty seat syndrome!

My sister in law is a beautician and has lots of clients who go in for the ol 'back crack and sack' treatment and body builders who have total body waxes for competition. Hurts like hell for the first couple of times, then well hair of a man's back! (or crack)

Stevo October 14, 2009 6:55 pm  

Scary, Paddy. I have been putting off the semi-annual trim. Scissors and nether-regions scare me.

If you can get a two-for-one deal on the waxing or sweat gland removal let me know.

wandermom October 14, 2009 7:25 pm  

Just so you know: I should be working on build issues with some s/w that's supposed to release tomorrow. Your charming photo of the hirsute woman totally distracted me. Currently rofl.
Pity the poor users. This s/w is destined to crash.

Quickroute October 14, 2009 10:44 pm  

@ Baino: Sign me up for the total wax

@ Xbox: Good to know I'm not alone

@ Stevo: 2 for 1 special - good idea

@ Wandermom: ha ha - 'on error goto wax'- End

nick October 15, 2009 5:15 am  

Yep, it's not just the ladies who're plagued by body hair headaches. Fortunately my own body hair is pretty light, must be a lack of male hormones. I rather like the idea of smooth hairless skin but I just couldn't be bothered to do it on a regular basis. Don't fancy the pain much either. Luckily Jenny has no super-smooth male fetish.

Thriftcriminal October 15, 2009 7:42 am  

Jeebus. Wax it man, I mean I'm not hairless by any standards, but, man, that's too much maintenance. The nose ones really annoy me, because they tickle.

Quickroute October 15, 2009 7:56 am  

@ Nick: Your lucky - where do I buy female hormones? ;-)

@ Thrifty: Waxing is expensive here - may try the ol' duct tape n' pull approach

Maya October 16, 2009 1:13 am  

Paddy, I have to agree with Baino--way too much information. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it after a stormy week.

Quickroute October 16, 2009 3:39 am  

@ Maya: I know I sometimes share too much - glad it gave you a chuckle

nick October 16, 2009 4:34 am  

What's this "way too much information"? Runaway body hair is a serious problem for a lot of people. Why not discuss it? We're not talking depraved sex here (well, not yet)....

Quickroute October 16, 2009 4:47 am  

@ Nick: Spot on - but how did you know my next post is about "depraved sex"?

Anonymous,  October 16, 2009 6:16 am  

You need to get in touch with these guys chap

Quickroute October 16, 2009 11:54 am  

@ AnonyChap: Will they pay me? - I don't do free freak shows - ....wait ....that's what this blog is! :-(

Anonymous,  October 17, 2009 8:16 pm  
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Muriel,  November 01, 2009 6:43 am  

Paddy, I def think you should use wax, hair grows back slower and finer. But you have to do it with consistency for a few months before seeing good result.
You will see that some hair (especially ´down there´ do not grow back ever, so it is definitely worth trying!

Quickroute November 01, 2009 7:43 am  

@ Muriel: good advice thnx - I'll give it a go

Anonymous,  November 19, 2010 1:16 pm  

Damn Arthur's hairy butt has antisocial personality disorder!

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