Halloween just makes me SICK

Halloween at age 5 : I dressed up as a small walking sheet and went round the houses on the street doing "trick or treat" or "help the Halloween party - or else!" as we say in Ireland. I got tons of sweets (black jacks, cola cubes, sherbert lemons, fizz bombs, chewing gum etc) and mushy gone off grapes from that miserable bitch across the road. I wouldn't mind but she had tons of money. Went home and devoured everything way too fast and then puked - it must've been the grapes!

Halloween at age 9 : I dressed up as an Indian because they ran out of scary costumes in the supermarket :-(( and went round the houses on the street doing "trick or treat" or "help the Halloween party - or you'll be bleedin' sorry" as we say in Ireland. Got tons of sweets (black jacks, fizz bombs, chewing gum etc) and more mushy gone off grapes from that same miserable bitch across the road. Threw rotten eggs at her front door. Went home and devoured everything way too fast and then puked - maybe it wasn't the grapes after all!

Halloween at age 13 : I didn't dress up or go collecting sweets/candy. Went to the Bonfire which was great. Burnt lots of stuff. Put a stink bomb and a banger thru the letter box of the miserable bitch across the road and laughed so much as she went nuts I choked and almost puked on a fizz bomb.

Halloween at age 17 : I didn't dress up and if I had gone collecting sweets/candy I would have been beaten up. Discovered vodka and fizzy orange is more potent then beer or cider and should be drunk MUCH MORE slowly or.......... zzzZZZZZZZZZZZ! huh? *vomit* x 10

Halloween at age 21 : Never kiss a girl who hasn't learned the previous lesson - If I wanted diced carrots love, I would've kissed the green grocers daughter - Yeuch! x 100

Halloween ever since then : Don't talk to me about Halloween - *vomit!*

Are you a Halloween fan?

Tags: ..Halloween Buenos Aires, Halloween Argentina, Halloween Expat party, pumpkin getting sick, vomit..

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Oktoberfest Argentina

Oktoberfest in Villa General Belgrano, Córdoba, Argentina

Every year in October the small town of Villa General Belgrano goes a little 'extra krout'. Many of the descendants of the town are of German origin and some still speak German. Argentina is not renowned for it's beer. The national brand of Quilmes is simply quite awful but there are some great micro brewers in the area that are a welcome exception to the rule.

This beerfest has been going since 1964 and now the town has a dedicated park to house the beerfest each year. The official party starts with a parade and gets going at noon each day making its way to the park enclosure. They have traditional bands and German food and of course beer and this continues until midnight. The after party includes salsa / cumbia music and of course more beer until the wee hours! Highly recommended - Enjoy the pics!

Tags: ..Oktoberfest Buenos Aires, Oktoberfest Argentina,Villa General Belgrano in Córdoba, beer, party..

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Anna Kournikovas Panties

I decided last week it was time to address the on going battle of the bulge where my midriff has been getting somewhat out of hand of late. I've always had a bit of a beer gut. Well just after I was born it was more of a milk gut but as I grew up I discovered with a clever disguise of loose shirts and being an expert at sucking in the gut at the appropriate moment e.g. photos or any time I pass a mirror, I could get by. Alas these tactics don't work anymore.

I have tried various exercise routines over the years but they rarely last more than a week. I have joined a gym on two separate occasions. In both instances, I went for a week and then never returned to the gym but kept paying the monthly fee for at least six months before I finally admitted defeat.

I bought a mountain bike once and cycled a few times at weekends but was nearly run off the road several times so that was the end of that adventure. The bike never came within 100kms of a mountain so perhaps I should have bought a city bike?

I have tried jogging but I suffered from third degree nipple chaffing and even lubing up my man tits didn't solve the problem. There's also something that just doesn't seem right about putting Vaseline on my nipples.

My latest attempt is walking. Not just your average walking mind you, but a serious 2.5 hour brisk walk around the ecological park near here. It's starting to get hot here as we approach summer, so I end up lathered in sweat like a pair of Anna Kournikovas panties after a 3 set marathon with a tie breaker finale thrown in for good measure.

Speaking of panties, with all this walking, I am now developing a serious case of crotch chaffing. Perhaps I shouldn't have bought Anna's panties on eBay after all.

Why is it exercise seems to be actually bad for your health?

Tags: ..anna kournikova panties, tennis, nipple chaffing, crotch chaffing, exercise,..

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For a good cause....

Head over to K8 the GR8 - Click here and help if you can please

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Paddy Declares WAR

A military spokesman for 'Paddy in Buenos Aires' confirmed today that the long running border dispute between 'Paddy in Buenos Aires' versus 'The Gut Province' will likely escalate into WAR.  The satellite image above proves 'The Gut Province' has been advancing rapidly and has captured significant strategic territory. 

It has long been suspected 'The Gut Province' is using W.M.A. (Weapons of Mass Accumulation) such as M.E.A.T. and chemical weapons comprised of dangerous elements such as malt, hops, barley and yeast.  'The Gut' has also developed advanced mind control techniques a.k.a. brain washing via the airwaves to incapacitate its enemy for hours, hypnotised in a state of near coma a.k.a. 'couch potato' in front of the TV, where upon subliminal messages further encourage the victim to ingest more poison.

 

Other subversive tactics include SAS style commandos who break into peoples homes, replacing loose fitting trousers and shirts with identical but unsightly tight fitting ones.  A U.N. spokesman said they were monitoring the situation closely but it was too soon to "weigh in" with a decision.

Be on the lookout for suspicious substances such as this:

Tags: Beer Belly, Beer Gut, fat belly, Irish beer belly, Argentina fat belly

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Bono Stole My Tent

I have many fond childhood memories of when my family went camping in the UK and Ireland for summer holidays in a large 6 man tent. Before he retired, my dad worked in the post office.  One of his co-workers and good friends was a man called Bobby Hewson a.k.a - Bono's dad (of U2 fame).

Back in the late 70's, U2 were still up and coming and playing small gigs around Dublin.  They wanted to go camping and Bobby, knowing that my dad had a large tent, asked if the lads could borrow it for a long weekend. I'm not sure, but I think they may have gone to a national park called Lough Key which is a beautiful spot. It's hard to imagine the fab four slummin' it in a tent but we are all nobodies until we're a somebody.

After the long weekend, weeks and then months went by and still the tent hadn't been returned.  My dad being overly polite as always, never asked his friend when it would be returned.  There was no sense of urgency as we (the kids) were now more grown up and unlikely to be going camping with the old blue rinse crew parents. In the end, the tent was never returned.

Before he sadly passed away back in 2001, Bobby (a man of humble origins) recounted a story to my dad of being flown out, first class to some exotic location to meet up with Bono and staying in the executive suite of some 5 star hotel where a boiled egg and cup of tea was billed at US$50. Clearly the lads had climbed the ranks from tent borrowing muppets to 5 star - Rock Star status and fair fucks to them I say!

But Bono, if by some 'mysterious ways' you happen to be reading this, I just want to remind  you - YOU OWE ME A TENT! (ok - with 20 years rental on a tent - I'll settle for a house) and if you 'Walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away, I will follow!' 

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Tags: U2, Bono, Post Office An post, Bonos dad, Bobby Hewson

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Blog Awards

I'm delighted to have received the above award from iWalk

Rather than follow the MeMe rules, I'm just going to say my blog roll (right margin) has been updated with the stuff I'm checking out lately. It's still  a work in progress and I probably shouldn't be tweaking code in the wee hours so if you're not there and want to be let me know.

Tags: blog awards

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Puerto Madero, Buenos Aires

I went on one of my now famous walkathons today.  I need to motivate myself to get going but once I get going, I'm like Forrest Gump or the Energizer Bunny - I just keep going and going.  15 minutes walk from our new place in San Telmo is the barrio of Puerto Madero.

It's probably one of the most expensive places to stay in a hotel or rent an apartment in Buenos Aires.  It's a tacky tourist area and restaurant prices are on a par with accommodation i.e. bling bling! although there are some good buffet deals.

Despite the credit crunch elsewhere in the world, construction is booming here (see photos above and below) and great monstrosities of tower blocks with luxury apartments are selling and renting for up to 10 times the going rates elsewhere in the city.

There is a huge ecological park behind Puerto Madero that is a welcome respite from the concrete jungle.  It's a bird watchers haven and although I am a city slicker at heart, it's so refreshing coming here to escape...everything and anything! (check the photos below). 

I did the 8km circuit around the park at high (extra sunny) noon and now look very similar to  this...

Tags: Puerto Madero, ecological park, The Parque Natural y Reserva Ecológica Costanera Sur Natural Park and Ecological Reserve,apartments 

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Virtual Kidnapping and Extortion in Argentina

True story - We were having dinner at my in-laws yesterday who had just returned from vacation in Brazil.

In the middle of dinner the phone rang.

My father-in-law (Osvaldo) picked up the phone, but the line was scratchy and almost inaudible.

Osvaldo: - Unable to hear properly thinks it might be his son who lives in Paraguay - "Is that you Pablo?"

Caller: - "Something bad has happened - Someone close to you"

Osvaldo: - "What?"

Caller: - "They're hurt bad"

Osvaldo: - "Who?"

Caller: - "It's uh.....Pablo - he's hurt"

Osvaldo: - "Adios - hincha pelotta" as he hangs up the phone, realising this is a scam.

We just experienced first hand a fairly common occurrence here - virtual extortion

Pablo was fine and enjoying his dinner in Paraguay.  Osvaldo had unwittingly revealed the name 'Pablo' and now the caller could use that to invent any story he liked.  Had the call continued, most likely he would have been asked to deliver money at a drop off point if he wanted to see his son again.

There other scam is from a caller who wants the victim to buy phone cards and read off the numbers if they want to see their loved one again. An unusual ransom one might think. The caller is in prison and exploits uncertainty, fear and panic in people. They have practiced and honed their skills overt time and can get the victim to volunteer names. They have recordings of people screaming to add authenticity. A surprisingly large number of people are duped. The scam is said to have originated in Mexico where real kidnappings are common place but is now widespread. So before you part with your cash - try calling the 'missing' person. Chances are they're oblivious to their supposed plight.  We live in a virtual world.

Tags: Virtual Kidnapping, virtual reality, Extortion, Buenos Aires, Argentina, scams, dangers, annoyances, crime, tips, beware,

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TV or not TV

We finally got connected to cable TV a few days ago which took 6 weeks, 23 phone calls, 3 emails and 1 fax. An almost comical series of events, too frustrating to bother mentioning here.  We now have 80 channels but in reality, very, very little of interest. I am seriously tempted to cancel it but that would probably take another 6 weeks and god knows how many other forms of communication and I'm just not sure I have it in me just now. 

I used to have a PVR (TIVO) called Replay TV but alas no more. I have resorted to automatically downloading the TV programs I like. Sure, I know it's not totally legit but I now wake up to the latest episodes of Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show, Family Guy and even Eastenders.

If you fancy trying it out yourself click the +/- below for instructions as seen on CNET

+/-

Step 1: Download and install the Miro media player, which is available for Linux, Mac and Windows.

Step 2: Locate an RSS feed for a TV show you want to watch. One fantastic source of these is the website tvRSS.net

or another UK based one is UKNova

Navigate through the list of TV shows on the tvRSS website, and find a desired show.

Screenshot of tvRSS website

(Credit: tvRSS.net)

On the web-page for the show, right click on the link to the RSS feed of that show, and copy the URL location.

Screenshot of tvRSS website

(Credit: tvRSS.net)

Step 3: Open up Miro, and go to the Channels menu, and select Add Channel. The RSS address that was copied previously should already be displayed. If it's not, paste it.

Screenshot of Miro media player

(Credit: Miro)

Miro should now automatically download the latest episode of that show, which it will continue to do every time a new episode appears online.

Screenshot of Miro media player

(Credit: Miro)

For ease of use, a user will probably want to rename the channel to something recognizable. This can be done by going to the Channels menu and selecting Rename.

Screenshot of Miro media player

(Credit: Miro)

By following these three steps, its possible for a user to wake up to their favorite TV shows already downloaded to their computer, waiting to be watched

Update - Instead of Miro which is a little memory intensive I now recommend TED

Update to the update - You don't even need Torrent Episode Downloader if you use uTorrent - see instructions here.

Tags: Multicanal, Fibertel, download tv, cable tv, miro. tvRSS, uknova, torrent, pirate, illegal download

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What did we do before the internet?

My DSL internet died on Thursday for no apparent reason. It's not unusual to have an outage here but after 12 hours there still wasn't a single bit or a byte coming down the pipe.  A call to the tech support helpless desk was as fruitful as watermelon patch in the Sahara.

Did you reset the modem?

 - Yep

Did you reset the computer?

 - Yep

Did you jiggle the cables?

 - Yep

Did you go to confession?

 - Yep

Well it all looks good at our end. Are you using the DSL modem we supplied?

 - Nope - it doesn't have WIFI

Ah well we're not responsible then so you need to call the manufacturer of the wireless router.

- * SIGH! *

6 hours later after taking everything apart, disconnecting, unplugging, setting everything back to factory defaults and installing a spare replacement router, upgrading firmware, hacking, reconnecting and reconfiguring I was finally back online. The worst part is I'm still not sure what the hell was wrong. Not having internet did make me realise just how completely dependent I am on the internet - Sad but true!

Tags: speedy DSL, fibertel, argentina, telefonica, cable modem, wireless router, netgear, linksys

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LOTTERY STRATEGY

I used to bet on the horses while I was in high school but I lost interest by the time I went to college.  I suppose I found other vices to better occupy my time.  After I started working I would buy those scratch cards with “Instant Winnings” and never won more than the price of the scratch card back.  I’ve been playing the UK lottery for a few years now.  I’m part of a syndicate of 13 (unlucky for some) people who have yet to scoop the big one.

 

I also have my own subscription with 6 numbers that I can manage online. It’s now been over a year with these same numbers and I have yet to get more than 2 numbers. You only win a paltry 10 quid if you get three numbers but these numbers have been entered twice a week (Wednesday and Saturday) for 15 months. That works out at 128 times some air ball machine spat out numbered ping pong balls and I couldn’t even get a lousy 3 of those numbers. I started to think there must be some hefty odds against this run of bad luck. What happened the ‘Luck of the Irish’ for shucks sake! You know leprechauns, pots of gold, 4 leaf clovers, blarney stones, Celtic tigers!!

 

Can lottery machines be prejudiced toward me?

Is there a global conspiracy against me fulfilling my dream as a millionaire?

 

Then I found this odds calculator and I ran the numbers to reveal

 the Odds of drawing:

3 numbers is 1 in 57

4 numbers is 1 in 1032

5 numbers is 1 in 54,201

6 numbers is 1 in 13,983,186

 

Any other mugs like me out there playing this or similar nonsense?

What’s the most you won?

Tags: lottery, lotto, strategy, winning, win, how to, Ireland, UK lottery

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Buenos Aires Photographer

Unfortunately the best photo I can usually take looks like the one above but there are some great photo blogs down here like

Living in Patagonia

and

Buenos Aires Daily

and

Buenos Aires Thru My Eyes

and many more, but this new one

Buenos Aires Photographer

which I surfed on recently is one of my favs.

Make sure you check out the archives at the bottom of the above site for some amazing photos.

Tags: Buenos Aires Photographer, Photos, Argentina photos, Thomas Locke Hobbs

Update - Also check this one

Buenos Aires City of Faded Elegance

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