Hand of the Devil

In case you didn't hear - Ireland got knocked out of the World Cup by a cruel stroke of 'cheating' last night - full story here -

P.S. Henry old chap - It's called FOOTBALL not HANDBALL! - Silly Boy!

P.P.S. As they say in Chinese Mandarin "Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai" = Fuck the 18 generations of your ancestors!

Tags: ..Thierry Henry handball..

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Hong Kong - Warning(s) in Force

This made me chuckle. I guess the term 'cold' is relative to the 'norm' - I suppose I better put some underwear under my shorts and tee-shirt for the hike tomorrow ;-)

Warning(s) in Force

Cold Weather Warning
The Cold Weather Warning has been issued by the Hong Kong Observatory at 4:20 p.m. The Hong Kong Observatory is forecasting cold weather in Hong Kong tomorrow.
The minimum temperatures in the urban areas for tomorrow will be around 12 degrees Celcius.
It will be a couple of degrees lower in the New Territories.
As Hong Kong will be affected by a cold winter monsoon in the next few days, people are advised to put on warm clothes and to avoid adverse health effects due to the cold weather. You must also ensure adequate indoor ventilation.
If you must go out, please avoid prolonged exposure to wintry winds.
If you know of elderly persons or persons with chronic medical conditions staying alone, please call or visit them occasionally to check if they need any assistance.
Make sure heaters are safe before use, and place them away from any combustibles. Do not light fires indoors as a means to keep warm.
Whatever the temperature, please ensure that there is plenty of fresh air in your room when you are using an old-type gas water heater.

Dispatched by Hong Kong Observatory at 16:20 HKT on 16.11.2009

Original warning here

Tags: .Weather Warning..

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Hiking Sharp Peak, Sai Kung, Hong Kong

I'm always up for a challenge and like to push the envelope at least as far as hiking is concerned. This is what greeted me on my recent trek to the summit of Sharp Peak. Showing me this is akin to telling a fly to stay away from a freshly laid hot steamy pile of dog shite. I was not to be deterred.

This is the summit in the distance. It looks a tad intimidating but it's only 468 metres to the top.
As I turned a bend I bumped into a four legged hiker taking a break. There are quite a lot of these 'wild' cows in Hong Kong. This was to be my only encounter with a living breathing thing for several hours.
It's a tough but manageable trek on a steep gravely path to the top.
It's worth the effort however as the view from the top is pretty spectacular.
The walk back to the road is pretty darn impressive too.
How to get there: Take the MTR to Choi Hung - Exit C2 for green minibus # 1A to Sai Kung terminus - then bus # 94 to Pak Tam Au - Walk up the road and take Maclehose Trail Stage #2 - after an hour you'll see a sign for Sharp Peak on your left. Return the same way or head on to the beaches of Tai Long Wan

There's some good video and loads more photos below - Enjoy!

Tags: .Hiking Sharp Peak, Sai Kung, Hong Kong..

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Hiking Stage 9 of the Wilson Trail, Hong Kong

How to get there: Stage 9 begins at Cloudy Hill. Outside Tai Po Market KCRC Station, take a taxi to Tai Po Tau and follow the hill trail to Cloudy Hill. You can also take a short cut by catching green minibus no. 52B for Hok Tau Wai at Fanling KCRC Station, which will take you to Lau Shui Heung Country Trail from where you walk to the Stage 9 starting point in Cloudy Hill. For your return journey, get on the main road that meets the end of the trail. This location is just south of Nam Chung. Turn right here and a half mile walk will take you to the village. There, walk down Luk Keng Road to catch green minibus no. 56K for Fanling KCRC Station.


Seems like I upset a few Irish peeps with my last blog post and I had some vocal (by way of email not comments) 'unsubscribers' for my apparent 'anti-Irish' stance. I hate to lose readers and I don't think I'm 'anti-Irish' but I'm certainly not singing Ireland's praises either - to be sure. Alas, so be it and onto the more important stuff.

So I realise I'm blogging a lot about hiking recently but I simply can't help it. Sorry if it doesn't 'rock your boat' but it does rock mine and this my mindless rant of a blog after all so I can do what I want. I'm discovering more incredible trails every week so there's more of this drivel coming your way shortly.

In fact, I plan to put together a hiking portal with links to my favourite hikes including marks out of ten and links to good hiking info websites etc - more to come on that soon. Any objections? Suggestions? Indifference? - Let me know in the comments pls.

Tags: ..Hiking Stage 9 of the Wilson Trail, Hong Kong..

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Ireland - Back to the Arsehole of Nowhere

My bloggy friend Thrifty posted a link on Facebook -

'Ireland is a disaster . . . leave now and enjoy your life'

which is an article from the Irish Times about the recent HUGE exodus of Irish people from the Emerald Isle. I've ranted about my love hate relationship with Ireland before -> here. When I first read the stories I thought to myself, shite - this is identical to my own set of reasons for leaving Ireland in 1988. I felt sorry for the new generation who would have to retrace my steps to find a better life. Ireland is fucked yet again - despite being the strongest economy in Europe only a short time ago. Celtic Tiger me arse - Kitten in a sack drowning in the river more like it!

Irish Work Ethic - Celtic Tiger

What went wrong?
Who fucked up?
Where do we go from here?

Good questions - which need answers and certain politicians and businessmen to be held ACCOUNTABLE!...but fat chance given Irish history of apathy and tolerance of fuckwads and being fucked over! - Granted, it's a role of the dice as to which political party is more corrupt.

This may seem a tad harsh and inconsiderate but these new emigrants will have it somewhat easier than in 'my day' because when I was a lad there was NO....

• Skype for cheap calls home
• Internet for emails home or to contact peeps in the country you were visiting
• Facebook for keeping in touch with friends and posting photos
• Budget airlines for cheap flights home and away
• Savings from when the economy was good
• Network of established successful Mick /Paddys to welcome you with open arms
• Exposure to foreign cultures - a black person in Ireland in 1988 was either a visiting diplomat or a Nigerian prophet
  

Most of these folks are walking into pre-arranged legit well paid overseas jobs and a welcoming reception from a network of established expats.

1980's expats walked into a black hole of uncertainty and frequent resentment from the local community with minimal and SLOW communication / travel mediums to home.

Don't get me wrong - I wish them much success and I wish they didn't have to leave home in the first place but they're actually half way up the ladder already. Get OUT of Ireland and you are better off - FACT! SAD! but TRUE!

So what's my point? - I'm horribly disappointed my country has fallen from amazing success, back into the abyss of poverty which drove me to leave my home in the first place. I'm glad I left and I'll likely never return to live there again - visit - yes sure, of course.

Even my parents told me tonight on the phone (Skype) they are glad I'm not living there and it's not because I'm an unruly delinquent but because it's a morbidly depressing place to be right now - suicide rates are sky high? - [Update: up 43% year on year - according to official statistics] - I hate to project such negativity about my place of birth but it's a frikkin' mess and I feel even more detached from it now. Am I alone?

Tags: ..Ireland - Back to the Arsehole of Nowhere..

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Siquijor, Island Paradise, Visayas, Philippines

I realise it's been a bit quiet in this bloggy corner recently but for good reason. We managed to notch up another country (Philippines) on our quest to conquer the world.
It was a bit of a roll of the dice since it's typhoon season in these parts and Northern Philippines just got hammered hard by 2 typhoons in the last 2 weeks.

I am happy to report that the South was hot and sunny and spectacular. Getting to our destination (the island of Siquijor) was not exactly a walk in the park, but when you want to escape the crowds, you usually have to put in a little extra effort or in this case A LOT OF EFFORT!We took a 12:40am flight from Hong Kong on Friday morning which arrived in Cebu, Philippines at 3:30am and jumped in a taxi for 40 minute ride to the port where we waited to buy tickets and then board a 6am ferry to the Visayas region.We eventually reached our island paradise of Siquijor 3 separate boat trips later at 1:30pm so needless to say we were beyond exhausted, but it is a pretty amazing place and the weather behaved impeccably.I could now go off on a tangent about white sand beaches and turquoise water , excellent snorkelling and diving and ultra friendly people and great food and beautiful landscapes but I will resist that in order to bring the following NEWSFLASH!Cost of Living/Vacation Index:

Bottle of San Miguel beer (5% alcohol) in a uppity beach resort = 35 Philippine pesos = u$d0.75

Bottle of San Miguel special brew 'Red Horse' beer (6.9% alcohol - oh yeah!) in a uppity beach resort = 35 Philippine pesos = u$d0.75 - dats wot I'm talking 'bout!

1 Litre San Miguel from a street kiosk = 60 pesos Philippine = u$d1.25

Candle lit dinner by the beach with fantastic service - Main course of fish or imported steak (with chips/rice/veg) = u$d5.00

Accommodation = u$d50 per night for large plush exec beach villa A/C etc

Moto rental for a day + petrol = u$d8The best part was we were greeted with such warmth and curiosity for most places we visted. It is way off the beaten tourist track at this time of the year at least for now.This is as yet an undiscovered 'unexploited' paradise so prices will no doubt sky rocket to 'Boracay' prices eventually where I've seen u$d600+ ridiculous prices. I can highly recommend this place (Coco Grove). Enjoy the photos!

Tags: .Siquijor, Island Paradise, Visayas, Philippines..
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Hiking Stage 2 of the Maclehose Trail - Tai Long Wan

Tai Long Wan, Sai Kung

Here are some pics from a recent 13.5km hike in Sai Kung. Strangely enough, this was a disaster and jinx free hike so no tales of woe to recount. Words cannot fully describe the beauty of this place, at least not my words, so I won't even bother trying - All this a stones throw away from one of the most congested cities in the world! - I love this place! - Enjoy!

p.s. I know I need to invest in a decent camera!


To get there: Take MTR to Choi Hung Exit C2 then Green minibis 1A to Sai Kung (last stop) then a taxi to Long Ke (the taxi drivers know it well) - Return to Sai Kung by bus 94 from Pak Tam Au (top of the hill) which is actaully the end of the trail stage

Tags: ..Hiking Stage 2 of the Maclehose Trail - Tai Long Wan..

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A Scarey HAIRY Tale

I have to confess I have much more body hair than I am comfortable with. I am part hairy ape or so it seems. It may come to pass, I become bald someday and I'll regret these anti-hair words, but right now in my 'prime' things are getting out of control.

As a teen, I foolishly decided to rid my myself of some newly formed but unwanted body hair. I shaved my arm pits and it was all grand until 3 days later when the stubble regrowth gave me such an itch and a rash that I was walking around for days with a bad ass body builder pose, so as not to have any friction on my tender arm pits.


With the on set of 'maturity', more and more hair has started to sprout from the most unusual places. I used to take the piss out of the 'old' peeps in the Irish countryside with tufts of hairs coming from their ears.

"Jaezuz - you could grow spuds in that jungle" - we'd say jokingly. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your ear hair!


Lo and behold, I now have my very own ear tufts to trim on a regular basis. Add to that - nasal hair, requiring a tweezers to pluck the unsightly little devils out - ouch!.

I know some of you readers won't want to hear / read this but we shall now go where few men / women dare/care to go.



Let me lay it out, plain and simple.

- Amazonian butt crack fur hair
- Extra unwieldy foot long curly pubic hair

I don't know if it's the humidity, diet, global warming, or ALL the above but these bad boys are OUT OF CONTROL!

I used to trim the ol' butt crack hair every 2 months tops, but now it requires a JCB industrial hedge trimmers if I leave it that long.

I suffer the heat, especially in the nether regions so the less 'natural' insulation the better, but jeez - them bad ass pubes be spreading and growing like a wild fire yo!

Same story front of the house (know I'm sayin') - a monthly trim has turned into a obligatory weekly crew cut - short back n' sides pls!
I'm considering waxing or electrolysis but I know that will hurt like a BEEATCHHH! - any advice?

Tags: ..waxing, hairy, hair removal..

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F**K You for the Voodoo that You Do - Boo Hoo!

I seriously think I've been Hexed. It all started yesterday. I was supposed to go hiking with a friend, on a as yet unconquered picturesque trail and when I checked the weather the night before it was supposed to be clear and sunny.

I awoke to heavy rain beating against the window. The forecast had changed drastically to cloudy and showers (the weather changes in an instant in these parts). I was bummed, but we had to postpone the hike for another day. Everything went arse over tits downhill from then on.

So as not to write-off the day completely, I decided I had but 2 simple tasks to complete for the day.

My simple mission, should I choose to accept it would be:

1. Buy maps of the hiking trails in Hong Kong so I wouldn't be getting lost AGAIN!

2. Buy a new wireless router so 'herself' won't be hogging my laptop

Estimated completion time: 90 minutes
Time of departure: 11:30am

Mission accepted!

I 'memorised' the address of the map shop and nearby there was a computer mall where I could buy a router.

I hopped on a bus to the centre, where it should have been a 10 minute walk to the map shop.

Construction everywhere so I detour thru a local sidewalk food court. Oh Oh! - dead end or walk thru the kitchen where people are brandishing meat cleavers...hmmm.. me thinks not - U-Turn back the way I came - Sigh!

20 minutes later, I arrived at my intended destination, '25 Shanghai St' only to find it's not a map store but a butchers with ...you guessed it..people brandishing meat cleavers. Well this is all going to plan - NOT! (I later discover I should have been looking for '250 Shanghai St' - PILLOCK!

I try to Google the address on my iPhone but can't find it and eventually decide I'll just try a book store. I end up in another construction zone dead end - U-Turn back the way I came - Sigh! - GOBSHITE!

The book store doesn't have the maps I want so wasted trip - Feck! I eventually find the website and it says most post offices sell the maps, so I walk another 20 minutes and get to the counter only to be told they don't sell them anymore, BUT he tells me I can buy them at the map store at 250 Shanghai Street - ARGH! - TOSSER!!!!!

I decide to buy the wireless router on the way which in the end takes an hour and then hop a bus back to '250 Shanghai Street' to buy the maps - but miss my stop and end up 10 minutes the wrong side of where I want to be. - MUPPET!

I FINALLY get to the store and order the maps which were pricier than I thought and I don't have enough cash and they don't take credit cards so I have to leave, find an ATM and return and EVENTUALLY purchase the maps. - HALLELUJAH!!!

Actual task completion time: 5 hours
Time of completion: 16:30pm

I then did what any self respecting Irishman would do in this situation. It was time to try to flush the demons out with Holy Stout. So I met a friend in Delaney's Irish Pub for several doses of vitamin 'G' to rid myself of the devils curse.

Vitamin'G'

It seemed to work. I had no more mishaps, had a good time and got home safely, BUT.....

....Today I spent 6 hours configuring the blasted new frikkin' wireless router. I then remembered it's exactly one year to the day since this similar wireless router incident happened (click here) - How f***ed up is that?! Cure for a hex anyone?

Tags: ..Voodoo..

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Hiking Stage 4 and 5 of the Maclehose Trail

I love hiking. I get the equivalent to 'joggers high' when I'm out on my rambles. It's difficult to explain just how happy it makes me. It must surely be bad for you, as it has the same effect on me as drugs or alcohol. It's addictive and if I don't get my regular hiking fix, I have severe withdrawal symptoms including bouts of crankiness and flatulence.

I am not, however, the most organised or prepared hiker. I don't have maps or books or a compass to guide me, as I prefer to just stumble on places and explore. If I go astray as I often do, I depend on my trusty iPhone which has Google Maps and if need be GPS to bring me back on track.
This can lead to some problems as it did on Friday when it took me nearly 3 hours just to arrive at and find the start of ANY hiking trail in Sai Kung. I did Google some info which turned out to be completely wrong and had me going in circles but finally I arrived at a trail.
The majority of my hiking to date has been confined to Hong Kong Island but more recently I've started to explore Kowloon and the New Territories.
Most of the hiking trails are broken into stages e.g. I found and eventually started 'Stage 4 of the Maclehose Trail' which had a notice board with a map of the route and a description as follows:

"Starting Point: Kei Ling Ha
Finishing Point: Tate's Cairn
Length: 12.7 kilometres
Time: 5.0 hours
Difficulty: Very Difficult"


Being the disorganised git that I am, I hadn't had breakfast and had no provisions other than 1.5 Litres of water (which was a fortunate last minute afterthought). It was a beautiful sunny day, but very hot and humid.

About an hour into the hike I realised it was THE most spectacularly scenic hike I'd done since I arrived in Hong Kong. My iPhone video and photos below don't do it justice but it is gob smackingly beautiful. It's unusual to have access to a hiking paradise like this so close to such a densely populated congested city.
My 'Hikers High' kept me going despite my empty stomach but it was a pretty strenuous hike. I was out of water well before I approached the end of the hike and my high spirits were now somewhat deflated and I was dehydrated, but all I had to do now was find public transport to get me back home...or so I thought!

A little bit more research would have told me that in fact, there is no public transport at the end of 'Stage 4'. Actually it's completely isolated and remote and I would now need to complete 'Stage 5' just to get anywhere near civilisation.

"Wooop-deee-FUCKING Doooo!" I muttered to myself as I read the following trail description.

"Starting Point: Tate's Cairn
Finishing Point: Tai Po Road
Length: 10.6 kilometres
Time: 3.0 hours
Difficulty: Fairy Difficult"

Completely exhausted, dehydrated, hungry as HELL, I had to dig deep just to get to the end of this stage of the trail. I was not a happy camper. I eventually ended up at a little kiosk where I think I might have been a contender for the Guinness Book of World Records for finishing a can of Sprite in 0.25 seconds. I then had to contend with rush hour commuters on my way back home - It's amazing how much space you get on the subway when you've worked up a good 8 hours of foul body odour. I didn't get a seat however so no sweaty arse imprint this time!

In retrospect, not researching the route or eating before hand or bringing enough water was pretty dumb-ass but it still ranks as the BEST hike I've done in Hong Kong by far. No pain, No gain! - Enjoy the pics & vid.

Tags: ..Stage 4 and Stage 5 of the Maclehose Trail Hong Kong..

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Stinky, Filthy, Smelly, Nasty, Sweaty, Irish, Paddy

I'm not a person who suffers the cold much. On long haul flights or bus journeys where people are begging for blankets, I'm usually quite comfortable in just tee shirt and shorts. Much to the amusement of others, I've skied without gloves numerous times (substituting socks on occasion) and worn minimal layers in snow blizzards. In short, I am a somewhat naturally hot blooded animal.

That's all well and good in colder climes but when the heat is cranked up a notch or six, unfortunately being a walking toaster oven is some what of a hindrance. Basically, I sweat like a motherfucker. We are talking sweaty flash floods here, the dangerous kind that lead to emergency services being called out to rescue granny from a roof top by helicopter.

I typically get a severe case of S.A.S. (sweaty ass syndrome) which can lead to some embarassing interactions e.g.

1.) I was on the bus in my business attire(shorts and tee-shirt) just a few days ago and as a bunch old Chinese women boarded, I selflessly and valiantly gave up my seat so the old blue rinse crew could sit down. As one of them appreciatively nodded and smiled, I felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside at having done something nice. This wouldn't last long however, as the eighty year+ granny just pointed at the seat and invited all around to observe the sweaty arse imprint I had just left behind.

To my horror people were leaning over looking at the sweat tracks I had made and then looking at me with disgust. If the ground could have swallowed me up there and then I would have gladly jumped, ass first. Granny then reached into her handbag and opened a packet of tissues to mop up my unintentional moist deposits I had left. I exited the bus 6 stops before my destination and had to walk 30 minutes, but I had a escaped a possible lynching - close call.

But wait there's more....

2.) Yesterday, I went for the first visit to the dentist in Hong Kong. Some of you will remember my absolute dread of dentists from this post (Bad Teeth). Again, I dressed in tee-shirt and shorts so as to be as comfortable ( i.e. not hot) as possible.

It was a well air conditioned clinic and all I was having done was a check up with X-Ray and a cleaning. I have sensitive teeth and any sound of dental equipment, even a brush makes me squirm. I had a thorough cleaning (40 minutes worth) and as I eventually got off the chair I was horrified to see yet again an extended arse to ankle body imprint of sweat on the leather.

There's not much you can say to salvage a situation like this so I just alluded to my fear of dentists and then listened to the post analysis of my X-Rays as the poor dental nurse took a roll of kitchen wipes or two to clean up the mess I had left. I can still hear the cleaning motion - 'wash on - wash off' x 100

I've heard old people wear diapers when they eventually lose control of there toilet 'manners' so I'm thinking of patenting 'Sweat Diapers' for the poor sods with an affliction of Extra S.A.S ('Sweaty Ass Syndrome') such as mine.

Tell me I'm not alone here?....pretty please! - throw me a bone or some talc.

p.s. I think I found the 'cure' click Here

Tags: ..Stinky Filthy Smelly Nasty Sweaty Paddy..

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Typhoon Season, Hong Kong

As I mentioned in a previous post I recently returned from Beijing to Hong Kong only to find we were arriving by plane in the middle of a typhoon which made the landing a wee bit rocky a.k.a good job I was wearing brown underwear that day, cos if it wasn't that colour to begin with, it sure was pretty close to brown afterward.

Now there's turbulence and then there's turbulence and then there's turbo turbulence (okay - so I just made that shit up) but this was like sitting in a giant cocktail shaker and being shaken AND stirred - I almost had a license to puke!

I managed to contain most of my bodily fluids on that trip which is more than I can say of my fellow passengers who filled vomit bag after vomit bag with diced carrot stew - Strange didn't see that on the in-flight menu?

Here's a taste of what went down from a storm trooper on the ground!

Tags: .Typhoon Season, Hong Kong..

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The Great Wall of China

Digressing from the previous 'Dick on a Stick' post I must return to more travel related content. I finally got to visit the Great Wall of China last week, which has been near the top of my "have to go" list for a long time. Sometimes you can have very high expectations for a place that you've yearned to visit and unfortunately these places don't always live up to your expectations but I'm happy to report the 'Great Wall' didn't disappoint.


The wall follows the bumpy contour of the rugged land and winds and stretches as far as you can see, off into the horizon and beyond. I hadn't realised just how steep some of the sections are and you literally need to hang on to a metal railing to heave yourself up some of the inclines. Likewise, you could find yourself slipping on your arse on the declines if you're not careful.


Although we only spent about an hour on the wall, we were all feeling aches and pains for the rest of the day as we must've been using muscles that rarely get used. Of course it could just be we're getting old and the zimmer frames will be a short hop, skip and a fall away.

More pics below

Tags: ..The Great Wall of China..

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Do You Like PENIS?

Snack Street, Beijing

I was asked the rather unusual question above on a visit to Beijing, China a few days ago. I was on a part business, part pleasure trip. More on the trip in a later post. A bunch of us visited the 'Snack Street' market on Sunday where they serve all sorts of weird food stuff on a stick like in the photos below.

Crickets on a stick -yummy!

Scorpions on a stick

Star Fish on a stick

Live scorpions on a stick

Grubs on a stick

More scorpions on a stick

Other tasty stuff on a stick

These eastern delicacies which were all impaled on a thin wooden stick included live scorpions which had been skewered and somehow managed to keep wriggling. They were dipped in hot oil for a minute before being served with a spicy sauce - yum...ouch!

More tasty stuff on a stick

Other treats included crickets, grubs (fat caterpillar type blobs), centipedes, sea snakes, beetles, silk worms, star fish and .....wait for it........sheep penis! - yes you heard right!

SHEEP PENIS

Always on the lookout for a good photo, I reached into my pants and pulled mine out (my camera that is!) and tried to focus on the woolly ones curly members on a stick (see above).

As I was snapping my picture, the stall vendor went into serious hard sell tactics and shouted and pointed directly at me - "YOU LIKE PENIS?"

I tried to ignore him and get a better picture but the more I ignored him, the more he pointed and the louder he shouted - "YOU WANT TRY PENIS?" - HEY MISTER - YOU LIKE PENIS?"

Needless to say the bunch of lads I was traveling with and everyone within a 20 meter radius found this hysterical so I retreated hastily with my tail/penis between my legs.

I never got to try penis and I probably never will - Not that there's anything wrong with trying penis!

Snack Street, Beijing, China

Tags: .. Snack Street Beijing China, Snack Street..

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