AXIS of EVIL!

What was my reward for hours of torture spent bouncing between numerous waiting rooms at the post office? If you are just joining this thread you need to read here and then here first to know what I'm venting about.

As somewhat anticipated, my parcel was a batch of forwarded mail from the UK containing the following:

9 bank statements and
7 credit card statements
1 Annual report publication (199 pages) from a bank (yawn)
2 Pension statements from the USA (showing a loss for last quarter)

(despite the fact I signed up for electronic versions only for all of the above!)

2 Natwest bank card readers (whatever they are?)
8 solicitations for extra credit and balance transfers (how many trees do banks kill every day?)

and........ drum roll please.......................

A letter from securemail delivery service in the UK saying that they tried twice to deliver an atm card but I wasn't there to accept it, so I need contact them to arrange to pick it up in person (must show id) - that's going to be easy, NOT! The damn machine swallowed my card here recently so I had ordered a replacement and that was the one thing I really needed!

Now that North Korea is off the list, I'm officially nominating the Post Office all over the world as part of the "AXIS of EVIL!"

Join forces with me now and help spread the word!

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Gone Postal - Past Tense!

....So back I went the following day. If you don't know what I'm talking about you need to start here first. Just to throw some complication into the mix, a friend who had heard about my saga/adventure the previous day, politely asked, if I could enquire about her missing package (a book), sent from her Grandma in Portugal to Buenos Aires back in May, that had never showed up. She had called the post office but got no answer. She had the details (registration #) and was told by the Portugese Post office the package was in the international post office in Buenos Aires. (kill 2 birds with one stone n' all that!)

I like a challenge, so I accepted. Forty minutes by subway and walking, take a number, forty minute wait, show passport as i.d. and I get handed the magic ticket with a magic number, to go to the next room and wait with the 300 people, waiting for the package.

Then I ask about my friends M.I.A. package and am told, low and behold it's here!

Me:- "Why wasn't it delivered?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "Dunno!"
Me:- "Why didn't you send a notice to make my friend shlep down to the local sorting office as a tease and then tell them they needed to shlep down to this out of the way office, you know, like you did to me?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "Dunno!"
Me:- "OK - so what now?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "Hmmm... Well You need to go the next room and wait for your number to be called out for YOUR package!......But you need to be in this room too, so we can advise you about your friends package!"
Me:- "Talented as I am my Dear, I cannae be in two places at the same time, what do you recommend?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "If I was you I would wait halfway, between this room and the next and just keep your ears open - very open!"
Me:- "Fair enough, I like a challenge!"

Be careful for you wish for. This was not a digital display with luminous numbers incrementing, there was no visual display what so ever! Only an inaudible version of crazy bingo!

In Spanish - Over a really bad speaker....numero...12??34, 183???, 34???,45???? - NOT EVEN THE SAME SEQUENCE OF NUMBERS??????

Even the locals were stupified..What? Que? Que dice? No entiendo? TOTAL FRIKKIN' chaos ensued! 300 pissed off confused people, wanting to kick some postal ass!

Once your number was called you passed thru a turnstile and then two doors. There was a big sign on the wall - "Don't enter unless your number has been called!"

After an agonising hour of this farce, I stormed in and by a stroke of luck, my number had been called. I picked up my first package and walked past the security guards (without hassle or signing - make note for later on!) and back to the other waiting room for package #2.

After an hour, I heard a scream of "Portugal!"

"That's me!" I said and waited for the package to be handed over but alas NO, this was just the line to get the ticket to go back to the dreaded room with the 300 people and wait your turn!

I picked up the ticket and waited an eternity trying to decipher the inaudible drivel and finally picked up package # 2.

Free, Free Free at last!, I marched out of this hell hole!.... well not exactly.. I got stopped by security because I hadn't signed my packages out, (despite having no trouble the first exit?) so had to return and sign, countersign, initial etc.

NOTE: DON'T POST ME ANYTHING HERE. EVER! NOT EVEN A CHEQUE. JUST WIRE $$$ TO MY ACCOUNT! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE! PRETTY PLEASE!

So what was in the package that was worth all this shi$ I hear you ask?
No frikkin' idea - I haven't even opened it yet! - See Photo above! - Tune in tomorrow!

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I'm Going POSTAL!

I got a little notice from the post office (Correo Argentina) the other day to let me know they tried to deliver a registered letter but I wasn't home. In actual fact, I never left the house all day so that was a big fat lie. Mr Postman just couldn't be arsed ringing the buzzer. The notice said I had to come and pick up the 'package' from the local sorting office. There was no option to have them redeliver but that's fine I'll go and stretch my legs.

Twenty minutes there, take a number, twenty minute wait, show drivers licence as id, twenty minutes back. The 'package' was in fact a letter from the post office. Hmm... why are the post office sending me registered letters? The letter was a notice from the international sorting office advising me that I have a 'package' to pick up. W.T.F. - Why didn't you just let me know that in the first place!

So I head to the international sorting office downtown. Forty minutes there by subway and walking, take a number, forty minute wait, show drivers licence as id and...

Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "You need to show a passport."
Me: - "huh!...I just showed my drivers licence to pick up a registered package this morning so why do I need to show a passport now"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "That was a domestic package, this is an international package."
Me: - "W.T.F. why didn't you let me know this?"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "We did, it's in the tiny fine print on the back of the notice near the bottom."
Me: - "F$%&8@#&{~>?{}][%%#!!!!" x 10
Me: - "So I need to come back tomorrow, forty minutes by subway and walking, take a number, forty minute wait, show Passport as id and then I get my package right?"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "No, this line is just to show id. We then give you another ticket with a number and you go into the next room with 300 people and wait for your number to be called"
Me: - "You're F'in joking right?"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "Actually no and there's one more thing, you need to pay a 4 pesos admin fee."
Me: - "F$%&8@#&{~>?{}][%%#!!!!" x 1000

Roll on tomorrow!

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MONEY FOR NOTHING !

I have a bit of a passion for travel. I have a currency collection which the missus kindly scanned for me yesterday. Ta much - missus! - I've just had a brainwave on how we can be rich, but more on that later!

Some would say I'm a wanderer, others might call me a tinker or a gypsy or a knacker. My first big adventure away from home was for a month about 150 miles from Dublin in the Gaeltacht (Irish language summer camp) of Ballvourney County Cork . You stay with a local family and take Irish classes during the day. I was 12 years old and practically starved due to an extra stingy mean host but survived off my card gambling earnings. On return to Dublin, I literally cried a river and thus began my wanderlust.

At 20 years old, during college summer break, I went to Copenhagen, Denmark in an effort to earn money to help pay for my upkeep. I landed a prestigious job in Burgerking where half of Dublin seemed to work and became an expert at tossing whoppers (sounds lude but it's not!)

The work was mind numbingly boring but we made our own 'craic'. You'd start out bottom rung of the ladder, cleaning the toilet, restaurant and work your way up to the broiler, fry station, whopper table, sandwich table and maybe even as a cashier if you could memorise 'double whopper med ost'. (double whopper with chese!)

I can still visualise and almost smell the nasty grease tray from the broiler which collected the drips of fat - yeuch! I went back for a second stint a year later as you could make more money in BK at that time than in a 'real' job in Ireland. After all the hard work, I figured I had earned a well deserved rest so I ended up blowing most of the dosh in 10 days island hopping around Greece :-(
fyi - I have not eaten in Burgerking since then - When you know what and how its cooked you steer clear! - Don't Supersize me!

After college it was either join the dole (collect unemployment benefit) or go to London, so off I trodded to the UK. I spent 3 years there and in retrospect had a good time although it wasn't where I wanted to settle down forever and Irish people were not flavour of the month at the time due to the troubles in Northern Ireland (Thankfully now over). So I headed to Australia where I spent another 3 years. I saved enough money to go walkabout for 9 months and if it wasn't for a slight visa complication (um..err.. I didn't have one), I might still be there as I absolutely loved the place.

I headed back to the UK and tried to make a go of things in Liverpool for six months but it just didn't work out so I returned to London where within a week I landed a good contractor job at a US bank. It was then that I won the lottery, yes I WON THE LOTTERY! - WAHOOOO!!!!!

Okay, unfortunately it wasn't a money lottery, it was a green card visa lottery where you submit your name and if you're lucky, a computer picks your name at random and if picked and after much paperwork you get to go and work in the USA. I managed to swing a transfer with the same US bank and off I went to the Big Apple, New York. It's a fantastic city and there is so much to explore in and outside of NY. I ended up staying 10 years and traveled extensively east coast, west coast and in between. The bug had not subsided so back I went to London for 2 years and rode the Ryanair/EasyJet cattle planes many many times to see as much of Europe as I could.

I've now been in Argentina for a year and have been fortunate enough to see most of the highlights in this great country and well beyond. The time has come to think of somewhere new however so I have a couple of questions for you the reader.

If you still live where you were born, were you ever tempted to leave, why did you stay, and what keeps you there?
If you moved, what motivated you to leave and would you consider moving back?
Finally - What's the favorite place you've visited home or abroad?

Oh! and I almost forgot - FREE MONEY!

Wherever you are, you can place a low value local currency note in bleach for 2 minutes to remove the ink. Let it dry and then stick it in your printer and print off a note from the currency collection below. Don't say I never gave you anything and spend it wisely....and no I won't bail you out so don't even ask!

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Take the poll if you dare!

I've got bloggers constipation so you either need to come down here and give me cod liver oil or fess up with personal stuff so I can ponder then dump.
- Don't hold back now! Feel free to create a whole new category in the comment section! After you vote - elaborate as far as the comfort barrier allows in the comments! You spill and I will too!

Yes - DO cry for me Argentina!

I have to admire the Argentinian sense of camaraderie. As a nation, they have been fu(ked over so many times by their politicians that there is a seriously deep sense of distrust of any governing body, be it a financial institution, religious or school committee or national government. As an Irishman I can fully relate to that and then some! The Argentinians now come out in their droves to get their point across in peaceful protests at the drop of a hat.

Tonight (June 16), we had yet another protest (2nd in 3 days) with thousands of people banging pots and pans on the streets of Buenos Aires and Entre Rios, Gualeguaychu, Entre Rios, Santa Fe and Cordoba provinces. This is to let the new-ish President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner know that her decision to raise taxes on farmers exports is not winning her any friends here or abroad. Her popularity ratings are sinking like a sumo wrestler in a bath of jello and are even lower than it was when I wrote about it here. In fairness, she desperately needs to raise money somehow but this may not have been the best course of action. She tried to forceably remove the farmers road blockades at the weekend which turned into ugly riots in the rural areas. Some blogs and bulletin boards have hyped this as potential civil war which I find to be annoyingly hyped exaggerated hysterical nonsense, but it is a serious situation nonetheless.

The level of frustration among the porteno people was noticeably heightened tonight when thousands of people hammering on saucepans, waving flags and carrying signs, took to the capital's main streets. SMS texts were flying around earlier in the evening, gathering support and advising people of the impromptu protest and many of the main streets in Buenos Aires were completely blocked and traffic brought to a grounding halt.

This is the fourth farmers strike in three months and more vocal than the previous big protest and threatens to cause food shortages yet again. Restaurants and supermarkets were left bare just a few months ago and it's likely the same will happen again. Hopefully the government won't need to resort to THESE TACTICS this time.

Photo: Courtesy Bloomberg

Inflation is at an all time high of up to 25% (depending who you believe), but this is venomently denied by the government who publish their own 'adjusted' figures of 8%. (All I know is my beer costs 25% more than it did a year ago nuff said!) Foreign investors are starting to run for the hills, so we could be in for a rough ride. I really hope I'm wrong, but this country is renowned for its up and downs which come in cycles (last crash 2001) and this cycle could be just about to turn into a cyclone!

I know what you're thinking - This is a serious post for Quickroute - Where's the pics of naked chicks - ( See post below -pervs!) - but seriously - How's the economy/job situation where you are???

Argentinian TV - What's on your Box?

Photo: TV Show - Bailando por un Sueno

Television has changed a lot since I was an innocent wee lad back in Ireland. As a very young lad, I remember watching TV programs like The Waltons (good night John Boy!) and then in my late teens watching Beverly Hills 90210 (I had the hots for Kelly). We had some great home grown soaps like The Riordans and Bracken where none other than actor Gabriel Byrne started out. Then there were those nice 'wholesome' shows like One Man and his Dog where you watched a farmer control his dog solely by whistling and the dog guided sheep thru an obstacle course and into a pen (riveting stuff I kid you not!)

Then came the advent of Reality TV with Survivor, Big Brother, The Bachelor and that god awful horrible series called The Swan where contestants were competing to have extensive plastic surgery. I hated all of these shows and would rather watch paint (or indeed cow dung) dry.

Around the same time we had the explosion of quiz shows like Who wants to be a Millionaire and You are The Weakest Link - Goodbye!

Now we are in the era of talent shows. American Idol, X-Factor, Pop Idol etc and they have gone one step further and added celebrities to these 'talent' contests.

The current unbelievably popular craze on Argentinian TV is Bailando por un Sueno (Dancing for a Dream). It's been around for a few years. They pair up numerous professional dancers with a celebrity (non dancer) and whittle them down over several (agonising) months. Although I refuse to watch an entire show (well over 2 hours), I do like to watch the highlights (go figure!).

Surprisingly I couldn't find anything on YouTube (maybe copyright issues), so I had to do some technical wizardry to port these videos up (I hope you appreciate the lengths I go to just to educate you to the Argentinian way of life!)

Since all these type of shows are syndicated world wide, I presume they have something like this in your neck of the woods - yes????????? - Let me in know comments pls - Muchas Gracias!

If YouTube doesn't work you can see it here

If YouTube doesn't work you can see it here

If YouTube doesn't work you can see it here

If YouTube doesn't work you can see it here

I'm not sure RTE (Irish TV) would go for this!

I See Dead People!

Recoleta District (Barrio), Buenos Aires

Probably the most touristy district in Buenos Aires is Recoleta. It's here you find an over priced arty / souvenir market (on weekends) and restaurants that charge double than outlying areas. It's also where you find lots of famous dead people in the cemetery including several ex heads of state and of course, the pride and joy of the country, Evita a.k.a Eva Peron (don't cry now!) and don't make jokes or this could happen.

If you don't like cats then don't come here because the stray cats are breeding like rabbits or indeed err ..em...cats, in this dead zone and pissing like horses and the stench of cat pish can be over powering at times. The graves / tombs are elaborate to the point of being tacky and probably cost more to build than a 3 bed apartment uptown. It's a good central location though so maybe you could invite the relatives to stay at your tomb for a long weekend after you've snuffed it.

Although the 6pm curfew could be a tad awkward unless they can scale high walls. It seems to be par for the course in Buenos Aires to have very high walls around a cemetery and I'm still not sure if it's to keep the grave robbers out or the dead people in!

Taking the Piss

The following post (which is really just a republishing of an article courtesy of Throughthetube.com is dedicated to my bloggy friend Xbox4NappyRash (you need to visit his blog - for real!) and gratefully brought to my attention by my cuz Brendan.

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In homes, apartments, and shanties throughout Buenos Aires, thousands of graying women joyfully pee into plastic containers at all hours of the day.

It isn’t exactly the picture postcard image that Argentina’s Secretariat of Tourism wants spread around the globe.

Gauchos, mountain peaks, tango, Patagonia, steak – now that’s the stuff of travel brochures.
Yet at any given moment, there are thousands more 65-year-old matrons holding a piece of Tupperware between sagging thighs – silently praying that their hand is steady and aim direct – than tight-assed 20-year-olds twirling the Tango.

Properly aged piss, it turns out, is one of Argentina’s least-known but most-valued exports.

The liquid gold from the ripe bladders of post menopausal women has been helping “float” the Argentine economy by tens of millions of dollars a year for the last decade. Somewhere deep within the pungent molecules of senescent whiz – we’re clearly running out of original ways to say pee – is a high-value hormone used to combat infertility in younger women with ripe, but unwilling eggs.

“At first I said no,” explains a donor. “Now they bring me a little gift every month but I don’t donate it for that, but because it’s for a good cause, and if I’m going to flush it away anyway.”

For every 200,000 litres of post menopausal urine, one gram of the Gonadotropin-Releasing Hormone 1 (GNRH1) can be extracted. This is a bit like evaporating a lake to get a glass of water.

It may take only an hour for three beers to pass through the bladder, but getting GNRH1 out of the pee is a four-month process. However, that one single, solitary gram can create around 2,000 doses of fertility promoting medication. It is in demand across the globe.

A study presented to the European Congress of Human Reproduction and Embryology found that more than five out of every 100 women with fertility difficulties treated with this hormone would successfully become pregnant, “which is clinically very significant,” affirms Anders Nyboe, the principal investigator of the study.

The drug works by the application of a “massive doses of follicles that stimulate the ovary to produce a great quantity of ovum,” explains Claudio Chillik, director of the Centre of Studies in Gynaecology and Reproduction. With a greater quantity of ovum (or egg cells) successful fertilisation is more likely to occur. A Swiss researcher figured this out in 1962. And we thought they only made chocolate.

Oh, and it also can work on men. About 1% to 2% of infertile men have a gonadotropin insufficiency. GnRH is an effective treatment for them too, helping turn recalcitrant sperm into Olympic champions. Get grandmother another beer!

It’s still dark in Buenos Aires, but the smell of morning is in the air. Birds are beginning to sing, delivery trucks are starting to roll, and men are picking up bottles of fresh piss from front stoops. Morning never smelled so profitable.

The urine collectors are from a company called Biomás. On any given day they will gather unknown quantities of plastic yellow-filled containers. The truck you pass on the way to work may be hauling hundreds of litres of tepid urine.

If trucks filled with urine left a trail they would lead you to the Instituto Massone. This is the collection point. The refinery. The place where urine goes in and hormones come out. Instituto Massone is the only Argentine laboratory to engage in the “dark art” of pee to hormone transformation.

It must be very profitable. Europe and the US form the principal market for the hormone of which Argentina is the world’s greatest exporter, satisfying more than 80% of the global market. The rest comes from China and Japan where, we can deduce, senior citizens just don’t have the same quality “right stuff”, as those from here in Buenos Aires.

Back we go to grandmother’s house. She is carefully snapping the lid on a container careful not to spill a drop. The great majority of donors belong to Buenos Aires’ middle classes, they’re over 60 years of age and retired. And, for taking the time and effort to fill the jug, they are paid nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Oh, they do get a lovely monthly gift. Well, it isn’t all that lovely. It is actually worth almost nothing. You see, there is this little law in Argentina that prevents ‘the commercialisation of parts and materials of the human body” which would make any form of official payment for the urine illegal. So, to stay within the law, Biomás hands out household goods ranging from breakfast trays to juice jugs. Apparently the juice jugs are recyclable, if you know what we mean.

Why do elderly women go to all this trouble for kitchen trinkets? The most common response that donors give is that ‘it helps women that cannot have children’. Although there are sometimes other, less obvious, incentives: “I like to donate because it’s like helping. They greet me…and that’s nice, above all for me because I live alone,” says another donor.

Not all of the women are completely sure of what the future might hold for their unconventional donations once they make their last deposit and put the drum out on the front porch before turning in to bed. “They explained to me that it was for medicines and for creams, I think, I don’t remember,” confesses one of the donors, aged 70.

The future of this potentially colossal market leads to some fabulous mental images: makeshift hollow stools amongst a daily vegetable market where elderly women display clusters of yellow vials. They take turns calling out their individual GNRH1 counts and prices per litre.
- - -

So if pee could potentially be worth as much as this, I guess the old phrase 'golden shower' has a whole new connotation!

National Three Peaks Challenge

Fancy a wee bit of exercise anyone?

Outline map showing the location of the three peaks.

The National Three Peaks Challenge is a mountain endurance challenge in Great Britain in which participants attempt to climb the highest peaks of each of the island's three countries. Whilst the challenge has no official rules or time restrictions, many participants try and complete it within 24 hours.

The mountains climbed, in order of elevation, are Ben Nevis in Western Scotland (1344 m), Snowdon in North Wales (1085 m), and Scafell Pike in North-Western England (978 m). In all the challenge involves some 42 km (26 miles) of ascent and descent, with total travel approaching 765 km (around 475 miles). The challenge is usually undertaken starting with Ben Nevis, the highest, and for many the most distant.

Target times are generally suggested as being around 4 hours for Snowdon, and 5 hours for each of the others. In itself this time isn't unrealistic for most relatively fit people, but it's certainly not a gentle walk, and when three climbs are required within 24 hours the Challenge becomes more difficult, draining your energy and depriving you of sleep.

Photo: Snowdon

My brother and some work colleagues completed this triple hike / drive megathon at the weekend in an effort to raise lots of money for charity. By the sound of things, it was no walk in the park and several people got helicoptered off the mountains because of cold and exhaustion. One poor unfortunate soul of a unknown team wandered off the path and died.

If anyone is interested donating to a worthy cause (Cancer Research), you can click here
It's all legit and above board

...Or feel free to just peruse the photos and reminisce about when you were young and fit! Extra points if you can guess which one is my wee bro (hint = beer!).

The End of the ROAD

They say 'All good things come to an end' and so it is with this 1 month trip of Central America. In hindsight, 8 countries in 4 weeks was a little ambitious and I didn't get to see everything I wanted but I came pretty darn close.

Bogota wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, except for getting sandwiched between tear gas wielding riot police and rock throwing protesters (Link). Northern Colombia is beautiful and the people are very friendly except one 'bad girl'.

Watching huge ships navigate the Panama canal is a humbling experience. It truly is a wonder of the world. Zipping around on water taxis is a way of life in Bocas del Torro. (Link)

The beaches in Costa Rica are great but only if you're into surfing. We had a great time when our skipper brought us chasing a school of dolphins who entertained us for a bout 15 minutes. (Link)

Getting caught in the first torrential downpour of 'rainy season' in Nicaragua was quite an experience, as was being covered by a million flies who hatched the day after! (Link)

When people in El Salvador say they want to 'ride shotgun' they really mean it! Even lil' ol' Grandma packs a Colt 45 in this place! (Link)

The West Bay beach on Roatan is probably the nicest I've ever seen and the snorkeling is out of this world. (Link)

The cayas of Belize are beautiful and the people would be horizontal if they were any more laid back. (Link)

The Mayan ruins of Tikal in the middle of the jungle look like something out of a Indiana Jones movie. The quiet, colourful, clean city of Antigua is practically therapeutic. (Link)

I can safely say, I've had enough of buses for a while. It was a relief that I didn't suffer too much from 'squirt alert'! All in all, it was a fantastic trip.

Next stop, the lotto shop to buy some tickets so when I win, I can become a permanent professional bum!

Guatemala

Our first few days in Guatemala were Hot! Hot! Hot! We arrived in Flores late in the day and found a hotel with A.C. (not that easy!). The journey to arrive here included some kid puking non stop in the back seat of the bus. I handed him plastic bag number 3 and he diligently filled it up! I almost forgot to tell the tale of the previous smelly bus in Belize where the smell was so bad, the bus conductor came down after the locals complained of a smell of rotten fish to spray a bleach mixture to neutralize the smell. It was only a few hours later we discovered the source of the foul stench was a beach towel of our own which had been allowed to fester a wee tad too long! - GAG!

The Tikal Mayan ruins in the middle of the jungle were spectacular but the heat was insane. I honestly don't think I've ever sweated as much. I have survived Alice Springs in Oz but this was more intense and the local guide wearing jeans and sweatshirt told us it was not that hot! Buckets of nasty B.O. juice were pouring off me! - If you wanted to get a good photo you had to scale a big pyramid so after about six of these obstacle courses, I was well shhhhtinky!

We took an overnight bus to Antigua (the old capital) which is in a beautiful setting with coloured houses and an intimidating volcano in the background. We rescued a Aussie damsel in distress (Adel) who had her purse lifted and hung out with her for a few days. Her boyfriend arrived a few days later and is a number freak (a.k.a actuary) like my own wee bro (bloody nerds are everywhere!). - Next stop Guatemala City!

Belize it or NOT!

Getting to Belize was a bit of an adventure. The 7am morning ferry crossing was thankfully smooth as glass. A taxi to the wrong bus terminal didn't help but soon we were on route to Puerto Cortes but missed the last ferry to Belize. Instead we headed to the Guatemalan border and got an overcrowded sweat bucket minibus to Puerto Barrios. It was like the old joke of how many people can you fit in a mini, only it was NO JOKE!

When we arrived at the port we had missed the last ferry to Belize yet again so we boarded a tiny flimsy 'launcha' (small boat) for 1 hour to Livingston on the north coast of Guatemala. Me arse is still sore from being slapped by the seat of the boat as we were tossed and turned every time we hit a wave.

Livingston is only accessible by boat and is very different to the rest of Guatemala with a very Caribbean chilled out rasta vibe.

You have to get your exit stamp from immigration the day before you leave as the boat goes to Belize at 7am. We were a bit put out when the customs office was closed but it turned out they were just on a siesta. After spending the night we went to board the boat and were told there was a little problem as apparently Argentinians (the missus) need a visa to enter Belize. It all worked out in the end as a $50 fee got you a visa on arrival.

We headed for the southern Cayas of Placencia which have a decent beach and good snorkeling and diving and it is whale shark season. Belize is part of the commonwealth of the UK and is very different to the rest of Central America. English is the first language but it´s more like a dialect as it´s like listening to rasta dialect and can be difficult to follow along.

We had a strange experience as some of the people were very friendly,but some were completely unsociable. The people in shops, restaurants are generally the worst and seem to resent having to work. The fact that you are asking them for something seems to piss them off as if they would rather just be left alone. If you ask for directions or advice it´s way too much effort for them and they will say they don´t know. It seems as if the locals are simply lazy. One couple went thru 80 staff before getting 3 permanent employees. Having sent one girl for milk on her first day, she returned with the milk but handed in her notice saying the work was too difficult!

p.s. picture below of me watching poor ol´Chelsea get beat on penalties by Man Utd in the Championship final :=((
Next stop Guatemala!

Honduras and the Bay Islands

We headed north from San Salvador and eventually reached La Ceiba in Honduras which is the jumping off point for the Bay Islands. We had a bit of hassle getting local money (Lempiras) as the first 5 ATM's said "No - No No!" - but finally number 6 said "Ya man!" - Phew!

After spending the night in La Ceiba we got the ferry (vomit comet) to the largest island Roatan. The crossing was fairly rough and people were barfing left right and centre. One poor bloke had the horrible job of wheeling around a big bin to collect the puke bags and hand out paper towels. He obviously had a strong stomach as the waft of puke was , well sickening.

Roatan got a great write up in our guide book but it still didn't do it justice. This place is heaven on earth! - absolutely breath takingly gorgeous! There's a picture postcard beach (West Bay) with white sand, palm trees and transparent luke warm water. There's a huge coral reef just off the shore which you can swim out to and snorkel. I have scuba dived the Great Barrier Reef but this was as good if not better. We repeated the following repetitive but satisfying itinerary for 3 days in a row.

Lazy late breakfast

Lazy day on the beach

Semi energetic snorkelling

Coctails at sunset

Dinner at a great Thai restaurant (Mr Tongs) yep! 3 times in a row! It's true I am somewhat of a creature of habit!

Next stop Belize!

El Salvador

As we took the ferry to leave Isla Ometepe there was literally a plague of flies that swarmed around the port and covered everything. Apparently they are quite common here especially after rain but luckily they don't bite. The worst thing they do is fly up your nostrils, and in my case into your ears and mouth - yum! We spent half a day in the colourful colonial city of Granada before heading on to El Salvador. Our plan was to make it to the mountain top village of Alegria but our bus river and some of the locals on the bus advised us that the area was well dodgy so we headed for the capital San Salvador instead.

Here's an extract from the Lonely Planet travel guide about the city.

"Crime is a serious problem in San Salvador...violence continues to permeate all of El Salvador. The crime tally rose last year including an increase in murders (3,596) and extortion. ..gang violence looms large..travellers may see headlines of gang wars, meet survivers of the civil war or bump into a rifleman guarding the village ice cream parlor."

We had a security guard with a shotgun at our hotel and the place had a big iron gate locked after 10pm. Although I'm a hardened Dubliner and a Northsider at that, it's hard not to be intimidated here especially as you don't see many other tourists. The locals are extremely friendly and curious however. We hit the road again - Next stop Honduras.

Nicaragua

We left Montezuma at 10:30am and retraced our steps back to Punta Arenas and waited by the side of the road for a bus that would take us to Rivas in Nicaragua. There was one slight hitch however as unbeknown to us we had timed our trip to coincide with a transit strike affecting all Nicaragua. Local and national buses, taxis and trains were all on strike. We were a tad lucky that an international (TICA) bus coming from Costa Rica stopped for us.

When we hopped off the bus in Rivas we found an opportunistic local who agreed to take us to San Jorge which is on the banks of Lake Nicaragua where we would spend the night. We shared the ride with a fun couple (Alicia and Jimmy)from South Carolina and ended up hanging out with them for a few days.

The first rain of the 'rainy season'season fell that night and it was like nothing I'd ever seen before as the thunder and lightning raged and endless buckets of rain drenched everything in sight. The storm knocked out the power for the whole town so we were marooned in a bar in complete darkness as the wind blew the rain horizontal thru the doors and windows and soaked absolutely everything.

Finally there was break in the storm and we headed back to our hotel thru the dirt road which had now turned into a river of muck. The following morning we headed for Isla Ometepe on the lake which is quite rightly listed as one of the 'wonders of the world'. There are two volcanoes (1 active) and lush tropical rain forest lining the beaches. Playa Santa Domingo is the best place to stay with a great beach. We ended up staying 3 days and it was one of the highlights of the trip so far. Next stop El Salvador!

P.S. It's my birthday TODAY!

Costa Rica

Getting from A to B in these parts ain´t always quick n´easy as I´ll demonstrate. We took a boat to Changuinola in the north of Panama and then a taxi to the bus terminal. The bus takes you across the border into Costa Rica where you have to show proof of onward travel out of the country (not that easy when you don´t have specific plans!)

We changed buses in the capital, San Jose and headed for the Puntarenas where we got a taxi to the port and caught a ferry to Paquera. Finally we shared a 50 minute taxi ride to the beach town of Montezuma with 2 cool French guys (Hamid and Steve from Toulouse). It´s 90% American tourists in these parts so it was refreshing to meet some Europeans and we ended up partying till the wee hours with them on more than one occasion.

The beaches here are a bit choppy and more geared towards surfing. Isla Tortuga is an overpriced over rated day trip. Other than the beach there´s not much else to do here except hike to a set of waterfalls or get a quad mortor bike and explore. Next stop Nicaragua.

Panama and Pinapple Face

I have vivid memories of when the US invaded Panama and removed their puppet gone astray, Noriega aka Pineapple Face. Arriving in Panama is slightly bizzare as its third world meets first world. Its very Americanized which probably explains why there are so many yanks down here. Its also very cheap for budget accomo ($24 for a double room with cable TV and A.C.) and taxis ($2 for a 10 minutes ride).

It reminds me a little of L.A. where the 'haves' flaunt their fancy cars on Rodeo Drive, meanwhile 2 blocks away the 'have nots' (Mexicans are packed onto buses like sardines on overcrowded buses. It's the same here except it's the Panamanians on the bus, staring at the crazy Irish guy and his wife who obviously don't belong on the bus with no A.C. in 40 Celius heat and thay obviously must be lost or crazy or both!

There's a touristy, pricey bar/restaurant strip on Calle Uruguaywhich is compared to Miami Beach (not sure why as it's nowhere near a beach!) This is where the local expats and tourist wine and dine the night away.

The biggest local attraction is obviously the Panama canal which is 18 kms outside the centre. Its just like a regular canal lock but on a huge scale and instead of a barge passing thru it has huge tankers and freighters.

The other thing Panama is famous for is shopping with a huge duty free area called Port Libre and a massive mall called Albrook which is worth a visit. I hate shopping as much as I hate root canals so if I'm recommending it, its got to be good.

Bocas del Torro is a series of islands in the north east is an absolute gem. You can zip around the islands on water taxis and many of the towns are built on stilts on the water. We took a boat from Isla Colon to Isla Bastimentos and then hiked to a beautiful palm tree lined remote beach (Wizrd Beach) with golden sand and transparent water where were only 6 other people.

Development in the area is happening really fast and it won't be long before its an overcrowded americanized resort so see it while you can !

Bad Girl, What ya gonna do?

We flew from Bogota to Baranquilla in the north of Colombia and caught a bus to Santa Marta which is a pleasant enough seaside town. It was 38 celcius and extremely humid. The main attraction was the local national park which has some great beaches and excellent snorkelling. Bring your own snorkelling gear as its passed directly from previous renter to you, snot, spit and all - yeuch!
There seems to be 3 price levels for most things (taxis, hotels, beers)
1. Local yocal cheap price
2. Local tourist cheap price
3. Gringo Paddy, rip the shirt off your back price!

Guess which one I was being asked to pay?

Its expensive here for food, hotel etc even when you haggle the local tourist price.
Next we visited Cartagena (5 hours east) which is steeped in historical significance. It has an old castle overlooking the city and an old town section surrounded by a fortress and some beautiful colourful colonial style buildings.

We stayed in a hostel and woke up at 5am to a full on brawl going on in the courtyard. Some loud ass drunk bee-atch was screaming "Llama la policia Mama!" (call the cops - yo!) over and over. Thankfully after 30 minutes of this farce she got her wish and the boys in blue hauled her drunk ass down to the station for being drunk and disorderly!

We sang ourselves back to sleep to the tune of "Bad Girl, Bad Girl, What ya gonna do? What ya gonna do when they come for you?" - FYI - Theres a law against disturbing my sleep - Youve all been warned!

Bogota, Bogota, So GOOD they named it once!

The missus and I had a few hectic days (including a friends wedding in an estancia outside the capital) before we flew to Bogota, Colombia (via Lima). We arrived at 00:45am and by the time we picked up our backpacks and reached our hostel it was close to 2am.

It had a tall, wide imposing metal gate but there was little sign of life beyond it. I must have rang the buzzer and rattled the gate a dozen times but got no answer. This was neither the city nor the hour to be stranded without a roof. Just as we were starting to sweat (a.k.a. piss my pants!), a head appeared at a window and thankfully a security guard let us in. After a little confusion (they had no record of our reservation!) we were able to check in. It turned out there was an electrical fault which prevented the buzzer from working and the lights on our floor were also not working so we had to resort to candles. Relieved and exhausted we collapsed into bed.

The following day brought altitude sickness, cold chills (picked up a bug on the plane I reckon), squirt alert, nausea and generally wasn´t a great day. The famous Museo de Oro was closed for renovation but we did get to see a cool salt cathedral built into an old mine about 40kms outside the city in Zapaquira.

The city is a heaving, swarming, fast city but the public transport system is impressive with dedicated double lanes for the extra long bendy buses. About 70% of the traffic seems to be taxis and another 20% is minibuses.

There are armed guards everywhere. Army, transport police, regular police, special police, extra special police, security guards. They all had guns, machine guns, rifles, revolvers. Charlton Heston and his buddies in the NRA would love this place!

There aren´t that many tourist here so I was being stared at as something of a novelty. Dinner is early here (approx 7-8pm) compared to Argentina (10pm-1am). Public transport shuts down early (10pm in the outskirts) for security concerns.

On our last day in Bogota, we headed to the old town section of the city and ended up in the middle of a protest which turned nasty. We were literally caught in the middle of a narrow street with rock throwing yobs (their faces shielded by scarves) on one side and the riot squad firing tear gas and water cannons on the other side. It was a hairy scary moment and if I had anything left in my bowels (squirt alert was still going strong), I probably would have shat myself. It took us about 30 minutes to walk clear of the trouble and in the aftermath there were 40 people arrested and there was substantial damage to banks and businesses. Windows were smashed and paint splattered everywhere. Translated News article here.

Bogota has a bit of a reputation as a dangerous city, but like any big city you just need to keep your wits about you and stay clear of the no go zones. Oh and don´t forget to bring your own stash of loo roll for those little emergencies!

The Road Less Travelled

I´ve been very bad at reading my fav blogs recently and not to good at posting to my own blog. I have a fairly good excuse however as the missus and I are on a months trip starting in Bogota, Colombia and ending in Guatemala. It´s a part of the world that´s long been on my wish list so watch this space to keep up to date with our travels. If you hear of any revolutions or up risings or civil wars, don´t worry, it´s just me up to my usual shennanigans!

Fly Buenos Aires to Colombia and make our way up to Guatemala before flying back to Buenos Aires

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

One man's lonely struggle to get justice for ugly people

Gonzalo Otalora

Gonzalo Otalora shows his younger self. Photograph: Juana Ghersa

While a few leftwing dinosaurs here busy themselves with the plight of the low-waged whose tax bills are about to rocket under the new 20% starting rate, an Argentine writer has been applying himself to wider questions of social injustice. Gonzalo Otalora has written a book entitled ¡Feo! (Ugly!), which calls for the taxation of good-looking people to counteract the natural advantages they have over munters. "Countless studies show that ... it's easier for them to find jobs; they're paid more and find partners more easily," he says. The "manifiesto del feosexual" also calls for the levy to be donated to the ugly, and for photo requirements on job applications and airbrushing in magazines to be outlawed.

As you may possibly have already suspected, the genesis of Mr Otalora's tome lies in his years as a pallid, bespectacled, bepustuled youth in Buenos Aires, where he stood out like a sore, myopic thumb amid his buff compatriots and - reading entre los versos - found it very difficult to find someone to have sex with him as often as he would have liked. Some men would simply have retired, defeated - or moved to Britain - but Otalora used his experiences to formulate his radical policy of redistributive justice for the greater good.

¡Feo! is already a bestseller in Argentina, but despite Otalora's urging to change the law, president Cristina Kirchner has as yet given no sign of acquiescence - possibly because it could hit the famously glamorous ruler in her own pocket.

In Britain, of course, we would have less of a political hurdle to overcome, as our sturdy leader has been bred for stomping around the grounds of a manse in Kirkcaldy rather than insinuating himself round the luscious forms of sultry tango dancers. And it would find ready acceptance amongst the populace at large, though it might need to be adapted to our own cultural specifics. We could either tax all celebrities or have a 24-hour-a-day reality show in which every member of society is assessed as taxably hot or not by a panel of vituperative judges. Rebates, in fairness, to be made available to late bloomers.

Courtesy of my learned bloggy friend in Poland- Shaunj and The Guardian

Unfortunate Timing and Placement of Ads

Nothing much of interest to post today so here goes some plagiarism!

Advertising can be creative and even purposely funny. But sometimes, an ad on a bad place can have unexpected results! Here is a list of some unfortunately Placed Ads.

Ad on the bus reads: "If you don't have G.I.O Third Party Property Insurance, we suggest you don't hit this bus"

from Oddeee

Technorati Tags: Unfortunate Timing and Placement of Ads

Say It - Don't Spray It!

I've just spent the last ten minutes picking grains of rice out of my laptop keyboard, off my computer screen, the table, the floor and even the wall 2 meters away. Why that sounds strange? - I hear you say - Damn right! - It is strange!, so let me elaborate.

I went to a friends civil ceremony wedding today and although it's customary to throw rice after yer hitched here, that had nought to do with this story. The ceremony happened to be near Barrio Chino (Chinatown). So after the festivities, I went to the Chinese supermarket and picked up some jasmine tea, soy sauce, wasabi and some sushi salmon rolls.
I have a fairly high tolerance to spicy food and wasabi (japanese green spicy mustard for you non sushi heathens). The hotter the better - XXX Vindaloo - bring it on ya wussies!

So I chopped up the sushi roll and poured some soy sauce with a hefty dose of wasabi mixed into a small dipping bowl. After 3 or 4 portions, I wasn't getting the burn/sweat satisfaction I wanted. I like the eyes to water and the nose to burn with wasabi, so I upped the dosage or kicked it up a notch if you know what I mean!.

Finally there was some fairly good eye watering, nose burning sensations going on, so I had reached wasabi nirvana. I soaked the second last piece of sushi roll for a good 10 seconds both sides and popped it in my gob. Chew, chew, mmmmmMM - yummy!.....eyes water, nose burns.....ARGH! Nose on FIRE! ....ok...relax....relax... breathe thru your mouth....ARGH!....Mouth on FIRE!...HELP! ....can't breathe!....try and breathe thru nose again.....OUCH!...ALL AIR PASSAGES ON FIRE! - DANGER!- DANGER!- WARNING! - WARNING! - I'm MELTING!....I cannae take anymore Cap'n! - EJECT - EJECT!!!! - With that, I let fly, with full force, with whatever was in my mouth and sprayed whatever happened to be in the line of fire. Hence my computer was a rice ridden mess. I ran to the kitchen, eyes streaming, throat burning, nose in pain and dowsed the inferno with water!
I reckon either I got dodgy wasabi or didn't mix it right with the soy sauce - word of advice - BEWARE the fiery green paste monster!

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Temaiken Zoo, Outskirts of Buenos Aires

The Buenos Aires city zoo has a reputation for being a bit old and drab and the animals a bit, well, old and drab! However about 60kms outside the city is Temaiken Zoo which is refreshingly clean, interesting, has healthy animals and very well maintained. See more info on this link.

If you get bored of the Zoo, there's a big beer garden across the road. What more you you ask for? And now a really corny joke.

A Man goes to the zoo, but when he arrives there's only a dog?
It was a Shitzu!

Photo: Courtesy Paraflyer

fyi - no elephants at Temaiken :-(

You Got's to Know When To Hold'em or Fold'em!

The last night in Puerto Madryn we entered a Texas Hold'em poker competition at the casino. Four tables of ten were narrowed down to two tables of ten and then narrowed to one table of ten and then by some miracle, I was in the last four. Eventually, it was just two of us. Yours truly came second and cashed in a nice US$800 prize, so I was well chuffed.

I won the annual poker comp back in my last year of college and the family likes to play cards ( a lot!) so I have some experience but I still think the exhaustion of late nights, and early morning fishing and fighting the big salmon till my arms were droppin' off (see previous post) was the best preface to a perfect poker face. No emotion - No tell tale twitches - Just yawning, even when I had my top hand to throw off the competition! - ALL IN - I BET THE WHOLE POT!!!.....ha ha Suckers!

Photo: Last 4 standing! (not Photoshop'd - I swear!)

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Gone Fishing!

Puerto Madryn, Peninsula Valdes, Patagonia, Argenina

Photo: Big MoFo Fish

Point your mouse over the slideshow and Click the little chat bubble on the left of the slideshow to see the photo captions

It was a early start at 7:15am after a late night. I am not a social person before midday - EVER! Two fishermen arrived at the hostel and we were driven an hour out of town to a quiet beach. The maté drink (packed with caffeine) was the only saving grace.

Photo: Traditional Maté Drink

Myself and the wee bro probably wouldn't be considered the most hardy fisherman types, but since our guides were kitted out in several layers of fleece, rain gear and hats and we only had very light layers, we knew we were in for a cold ride. Truth be told, as soon as we were out on the beach it was 'freeze the balls off a brass monkey' cold!

From a total of about 3 hours freezin' our arses out on the boat, most of the fish action happened in the first 15 minutes and between us we caught about ten fish including a 10kg white salmon (photo above). I did a little fishing as a kid but rarely caught anything bigger than a goldfish, so this was a real bonus, in fact an absolute thrill!

I once got literally hooked myself as my older bro cast back and hooked me in the side of the head when we were fishing back home in Old Head in County Mayo. I had to walk 3 miles with a spinner & hook hanging outta my head to the nearest town, Louisburg and got a single stitch (probably to make sure I came back to pay later). Time to queue - Kylie Minogue music "I can't Get You Outta My Head!"

Anyway - It took about 15 minutes to reel the big blighter fish in and my arms were so tired and cramping so badly, I could barely pose for the photo, but the exhibitionist in me somehow prevailed!

Smelly Europeans Stink Out Poor ENGLAND

Apparently Buenos Aires isn't the only city with air quality problems (see previous post). London has been the victim of manure like air blowing in from somewhere in Europe. It's suspected that pollution from a factory across the channel is to blame. Hmm.. I think I'll take smokey air over manure air any day!

From todays Mirror Newsapaper - UK

Europe blamed for foul stench over Southern England

A foul manure-like stench hanging over parts of Southern England yesterday has been blamed on Europe.

Weather experts said east-blowing winds carried the nasty niff across the Channel as calls flooded in from London, Kent, Hertfordshire, Berkshire, East Anglia and Devon.

The Met Office said the smell is believed to have been caused by a combination of agricultural and industrial pollution - with pig manure spreading being one possible contributor. Forecaster Sarah Holland said: "In the past few days, fresh winds have been blowing from the east.

"The origins of the smell come from Europe and have brought in pollution. When the wind blows from the west, it is coming from the Atlantic so it brings in virtually no pollution but when it is eastwards it is coming across land."

Experts were trying to locate the source of the pong. But MeteoGroup warned: "It will possibly go on into Monday."

Thick Smoke Blankets Buenos Aires - Update

I've added a good YouTube video with a news report to supplement the first post below which demonstrates the seriousness of the situation. Visibility on the roads is now less than 3 metres. Several more fatalities reported. Breathing is noticeably difficult.

Thick Smoke Blankets Buenos Aires

Photo: Smokey Buenos Aires

Alternate headline = "Cristina Fiddled While Buenos Aires Burned" or "Where there's smoke there's FIRE!"
For more than three days in a row we've had smoke covering the city like the famous smog that covers L.A only worse. Tonight it's particularly bad as it's hard to breathe and my eyes itch and my throat is agitated. It's like a thick fog and visibility is minimal. There have been serious accidents on the roads with at least 3 fatalities and 14 injured. Ports have been closed and flights delayed. It's still warm this time of year so closing the windows is not an option. The cause is grass on farmland being burned outside the capital in the Delta del Parana region, with the winds blowing the smoke from the fires into the city and as far away as Montevideo in Uruguay .

Could this have any connection to the recent farmers strike? - Hard to say but I'm sure the conspiracy theories will be flowing. An Irishman who preferred to remain anonymous said "First, I gave up smoking in an effort to be healthier (ok maybe to save money too!), but then you had to deal with second hand smoke in pubs (smelly clothes and hair after a night out!). Then they banned smoking in pubs (Wahoo!), but for whatever reason, most of the bars in Argentina decided to ignore the ban (they're a law unto themselves here!). Then, all I want to do is go outside to get a breath of fresh air and look what happens! - The country is gone to pot I tell ye - Put that in yer pipe and smoke it!" The Minister for Health couldn't be reached for comment as he had respiratory problems - him and 90% of the residents of Buenos Aires!.

Official News article available here.

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